It's past midnight so I guess it's officially 3 days until my surgery. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head that it's kind of crazy.

I think I'll start with my immediate feeling, which is anger. This has very little to do with the actual surgery. I had asked a friend if he would stay with me the week post surgery because family will not be home and they really want me to have someone around most of the day to be sure I'm alright. He didn't have a job and I told him I'd pay for gas/a bit for babysitting me and we'd get to hang out. Fun times, right? Wrong. So he started getting flaky a couple of weeks ago. We talked about it and figured it out and he assured me he would be there to back me up. Thankfully, the pessimistic, cynical person that I am, I asked another friend if he could back me up and he was willing to. This was maybe about three weeks ago. The friend that has assured me he'd back me up and I kind of fell out of touch being busy with work and stuff, and I messaged him intermittently to see if he wanted to hang out, but he didn't really feel like it, but each time he would assure me yes he will be there post surgery to help me out. Lo and behold I message him tonight and ask if we are still on for it, and he says "If I'm off." And I'm like "Huh??? We have been planning on this for weeks!!" So his story comes out that yesterday he got a job and he might have to work. Which would totally be okay with me, except for the fact that he did not even bother to tell me! Three days from my surgery and he didn't even have the decency to let me know I should probably start looking for another person to help me out. When was he going to tell me? The day of surgery?

Anyway, so I'm steaming over that. I am so thankful I had already asked another friend and my aunt offered to come help out. But I decided that I didn't want to be friends with this individual anymore. We had been friends less than a year, so I suppose it's not a huge loss, and obviously he has no consideration, so I guess I'm better off. It still sucks, and it's an unfortunate note to be down a friend going into a major surgery, but I think it was the right choice. Deep breaths, I'm trying to let it gooooooo. No negative thoughts will be following this lady into surgery!

Onto the more relevant conversation...I'm NERVOUS. I'm still far more nervous for my PAT than I am for my surgery, which seems completely backwards. Alas, that's how it is for me. I'm hoping I get the all clear when I go in on Tuesday. I will keep you updated as the process continues.

As for this pre-surgical girl, it is time for bed!