This is my first entry in a blog in a very long time. I am not one to keep up with writing every day, but I'd like to make an effort to throughout my journey. I think that not only will I appreciate having a chronicle of my life to look back on, but that it will help me explore the feelings that come up through this process. So I guess a good place to start is an introduction to myself and my journey thus far.

Unlike most people on this website, I have not been in the process of trying to get my vertical sleeve for almost a year. The decision has been made for months, but only recently have I been able to afford it/had the ability to get time off work/school. However, the insurance that will cover the procedure ends at the end of this month (I am covered under a family member's plan and am limited in my ability to have an impact on which insurance I am covered under), and my surgeon's office has been very accommodating in helping make this a reality for me before I lose the benefits that will cover the surgery. I will be covered by another insurance plan post-op so I will still have any issues/follow-up covered, just their coverage is far stricter in terms of what they cover for weight loss surgery.

Because of this difference in circumstances, everything has been kind of abbreviated so far. I have a lengthy pre-op appointment on Tuesday, July 24th to have final blood work and other measurements taken to ensure I am well for surgery. I have no significant comorbidities that threaten to complicate the surgery. I was tested for low thyroid last year, so while it does run in my family, it's not something that I have yet. I completed my pysch eval on Tuesday, July 3rd. I do see a psychiatrist regularly, and if I was going to recommend something for anyone who has actually had treatment would be to stay with either your doctor if they can do evals or see if there is another doctor in the area they recommend. I chose my evaluating psychologist based on who could get me in the soonest so I could get my paperwork done. It made my evaluation more difficult and stressful than it should have been. My surgeon is not requiring me to do a cardiac stress test or whatnot based on my age and lack of any past health problems. I got the feeling from their scheduling department that the pre-op appointment may include quite a bit of testing (Maybe EKG, etc) but they have not detailed the exact tests they will be doing. I am already aware that this means post-op may be a little difficult due to less time preparing, but I am following up after surgery with continual therapy, nutritional counseling, and am currently looking for a support group to join in the area (Plus this website's support).

So I suppose a little about me would be helpful for my background too. I am in my mid 20's and I am about halfway through school to become a nurse. I live in Michigan, although I dream of eventually being able to move to North Carolina =) I have been overweight all of my life, and morbidly obese for probably the last 5-7 years. I have done many different diets and have had mixed success. For a long period of time I did weight watchers and lost quite a bit, but keeping it off has always been a struggle.

I spent a long time when I was younger with the view that surgery was "The easy way out" which is something that I've heard over the past few months from a couple family/friends. It's interesting how as you grow (both physically and mentally) how your view point changes. I think my turning point came somewhere a year or so ago when I realized that this isn't about a competition or some kind of badge to lose weight, it's about whatever route works for you to get to a place where you are physically healthy enough to participate in life and decrease the likelihood of an early death or disease condition. Once in a while the comment about it being easy (Because surgery is not a 100% guarantee, it's a tool to help) still gets to me, but if I take the time to remember why I felt that way and that the people I'm talking to may not understand how it feels, I usually feel better about it.

Today:

Today I'm feeling about 4/10 on an anxiety scale. I know that I shouldn't be, because I have faith that things will work out, but I'm worried about the pre testing. I know that if they did find something that it would be in my best interest to not have surgery until getting it corrected, but with my insurance changing and the small window I have to get it done, it's something that's hard to keep out of my mind. On the other hand, I am incredibly excited to have even the chance at an opportunity to turn my life around.

My surgeon does not require a pre-op diet, but I have decided that getting myself on a modified version of post-op diet food will be helpful in building both a better understanding of what the post-op diet consists of, the habit of eating these foods, and the momentum of having already been on this path. I have been eating better for the past few months, but I am generally not a big person for protein shakes, so I've been working at least one in every two days for breakfast, and today I have moved to 2 daily. I have to admit, I have been surprised about how filling the shakes have been. Right now I am supplementing a whey protein mix with soy milk or skim milk depending on what we have had here at home. I am in the process of looking for a more well rounded meal replacement shake, and my clinic does offer some that I will be taking a look into on Tuesday.

I have a problem that I'm hoping others may be able to shed some light on for me. I have been making sure to get in my vitamins, and I know that vitamin d is essential to your body. It's something that we often find people low in here in my state, and I know that it's very possible that I am not at an optimal level either. So I have always made an effort to get some in my diet and in supplement. Unfortunately, vitamin d makes me NAUSEOUS. At first I thought it might be the combination calcium/vitamin d (Which I know you're supposed to take together) since that only has 400iu of vitamin d in it, but I tried vitamin d on it's own, and it is absolutely the vitamin d. Anything over 400iu and I will get nauseous to the point of getting sick. Does anyone have this problem? Any suggestions or ideas how you get in your vitamin d/calcium with this issue?