I finally decided to actually join VST. I've lurked on the forums for about nine months as part of my decision-making process. Unexpected things happened when I finally talked with my doctor here, and I ended up being added to a study in progress here in the Middle East. So instead of having to pay the whole shebang myself, I only had to pay the hospital part. That definitely swayed my choice toward surgery.

So here I am. April 4 was sleeve day, and other than some pretty incredible nausea afterward for about three days, everything went really well. I had no pain medication at all, much to the surprise of the nursing staff here who are accustomed to giving morphine every four hours on the dot. No thanks. No drains, and no other complications either. Whoo hoo.

I guess the biggest surprise is how quickly my attitude toward food changed. I thought a lot about what being sleeved would mean before the surgery, and actually had a grief response at the idea of not being able to eat as before. I didn't really think of specific things I would miss, but rather that I would miss eating itself. My husband (HWHN) and I are Culture Vultures and Foodies... for about the past 30 years. I couldn't imagine how that would work for us if I couldn't eat. So I imagined how I would feel and got all emotional.

Reality is that I'm now completely turned off by foods I used to love. I have been reflecting on the change - I HAVE to eat rather than I WANT to eat. It's so different. Sometimes I get "mental hunger" but thanks to reading the forums I expected that, and given what I do, took a little mini self-quiz and recognized that the mental hunger comes when I'm Bored, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (the bane of addiction). That was a bit of a shock, since I would never have said I was addicted to food. Other than the initial weight gain during/after diagnosis, I've remained at a stable weight... too much, but stable. ;P Never would have said I'm addicted to food, but the mental/psychological struggle tells a tale.

So I'm getting back to doing some things I loved and let go. Swimming, photography, writing, and reading what my mother always used to call, "Penny Horribles." (Novels with no redeeming value except to pass time pleasurably) And... HWHN and I had our first official date post op this week, and it was great. He orders what he wants, and I nibble off his plate. Beautifully done cube of rare roast beef and a sliver of Manchego cheese. Heaven.

Tonight is my regular doctor visit, and I know I've lost weight because of my clothes, but I don't know how much. I don't keep a scale at home. I want the amount to be a surprise, and I want to gauge where I am in the process by how I'm feeling about myself, not by the numbers on some stupid torture instrument. Had enough of that.

After 96 days, I'm down 6 sizes and coveting those pink skinny jeans.

CE