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Sabotaging Myself

MKambalimath

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This surgery really is not easy. There are so many people that say we have taken the "easy" way out of being fat. I'm learning, the hard way, that this really is a lot of work. Maybe for some people, they can sit back and let the weight drop off. I know a couple people that never went to the gym, drink alcohol (lots), eat whatever they want and still the pounds just drop off. I guess I was hoping I wouldn't have to work so hard anymore. I've recently gotten out of a 4 week stall. I lost 5 lbs, and now I'm not losing anymore. This time I know its my fault because I am definitely grazing. I've actually gotten up to over 1000 calories a few times, which I don't think I should be at this point, and definitely not with carbs, which is what I've been grazing on. I'm going to the gym 5 days a week now, and burning 600+ calories according to MFP, but I'm going between 228-229. :( I start out really well, having cheese and wheat crackers for breakfast, and lean protein for lunch. Sometimes I make it to after dinner before I start grazing. Sometimes I start after lunch. I know it sounds like a cop out, but I've been thinking of asking my surgeon if they have a recommendation for someone for me to see about the mental part of this. Since having a smaller stomach inst really working for me at the moment, I guess I need to deal with issues as to why I eat. I never really figured it out on my own. Most of my family is heavy so I always figured it was genetics, since I've never been abused or abandoned or anything like that. I don't really have an excuse to have a "food addiction" unlike other people that actually have had traumatic events that they need a coping mechanism. I was 220 when I got married, but quickly ballooned up to 250+ in the 1st couple yrs after I got married, and at one point was at 287. That was scary. So I know I should be happy with almost getting down to where I was before I got married, but I KNOW I'm sabotaging myself :(



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I am dealing with this struggle myself. The surgery itself is no a cure all. I knew this going in. I battle to curb grazing and making poor food choices. I wasn't exercising, and wasn't losing. Currently I am going back to basics. Started with the dreaded protein shakes for breakfast and lunch. Started walking on the treadmill daily. Finally the stall has broken.

Going on vaccation with my family two weeks ago was a eye opener. Wow the amount of food was overwhelming! I certainly realize why the whole crew is obese. I am going to break this cycle starting with myself and my kids. I know I eat when I am stressed. Food is such a compulsion for me.

Well after this rant, what I really want to say, is WE GOT THIS. I know you can do it and I can do this. If you need support you got it. Thanks for sharing it's great to know I am not alone, in what I am feeling.

surgery1 2-19-11

HW 362

SW 344

CW 278

85 lbs down! 100 to go!

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Honestly I knew it wasn't a cure all too, I was very smug that I knew all I needed to know about it, but its so different when you're actually living it, lol. I just hate feeling like I'm still on a diet :( You're right though. We do "GOT THIS"! I think its just a matter of taking it a day at a time and a small goal at a time. Sometimes when I read the boards, I feel like I really am the only one still having trouble staying away from "bad" foods. Everyone seems so positive, like they are really loving just eating protein and protein shakes. Sometimes I feel bad about myself because I still want cookies! :) I know I'm fairly new at this, 2 months out, 35lbs lost, and I just need to get in the groove of making healthy choices. Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it. Today's a better day than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be even better :)

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Since we have the same surgeon remember the person you went to for the psyc evaluation. Maybe you could visit her again. I go for mine on Monday and was thinking about going in to see her a couple of times a month to address the same thing. I have been extremely overweight my whole life except for 4-5 years when I starved myself. I was not raped or abused that I can recall so that is not it. But since you are having these problems I had better address them before I have the surgery. Thanks so much for sharing.

I was just thinking today how am I going to give up fast food????????? I want to be healthier but when we were raised to live to eat instead of eat to live we have a harder way to go.

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You are NOT alone. I'm over 6 months out and still struggle with food choices. I've posted more than my share about my struggles. I have to give myself some credit that I am doing way better than I did pre surgery but I do have to fight it everyday. I have an addiction,,with life struggles, traumas and difficult circumstances. But I think food can grab anyone at anytime so for whatever reason we are food addicts,,it is what it is. I'm with rebecca,,we can do this! I'm here if you ever need anyone to just listen, feel free to pm me.

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Seeking help for the mental health part of your journey should be commended and certainly shouldn't be looked at as a "cop out". Understanding our eating behaviors is an important part of the process. I think we all struggle with food choices and it's up to us to find what works for us and deal with issues as they arise. I look at this surgery as a tool to aid in weight loss but you're right in that it's definitely not easy. You can do this and you are not alone in the things you're feeling!

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I'm not even near my surgery yet I i understand. Its hard trying not to use the excuse that until my time comes Im gonna eat what I want. I'm sorry your having a tough time and I hope that knowing that you are not alone helps you through

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I must be stronger than I think. Haven't been grazing but for snacks I have found that pepperoni bites are a great protein snack. Try to find snacks without carbs and there are other snacks you can eat that won't sabatage your diet. Learn new eating habits. And yes make an appt with the pys doc..... they will give you great insite.

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Thank you so much for being so supportive! For some reason this is just a really hard time for me, but I know I will just keep pushing through it. I love this forum so much, because even if I feel like I'm the only one, there really are others feeling the same way I am. And Pookie, I'm going to look that up now :)

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I have been struggling lately too, its very frustrating, I have made some bad choices and I dont want to fall back into those habits that got me so fat.

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I defintately struggle with this every day. I, too, believed that I would make better decisions. I keep telling myself, "You cut out half of your stomach, do you REALLY want to eat this?" and get furious with myself when the answer is yes. But like my dietician told me, and I am sure your's did too, it is a lifestyle change. Here is my thing. I am going to eat cake. I don't plan on going the rest of my life not eating cake. I am just not going to eat it daily. I think we have to forgive ourselves some.

I also think that over eating isn't just a coping mechanism for trauma. Mine is a learned behavior. I am a Catholic, Itailan. We do everything with food. We celebrate with food, we grieve with food, we visit with food, etc. I wasn't raped or beaten. I just learned to eat.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It took you YEARS to get where you were before the surgery. Don't think you are going to change overnight. The fact that you are writing about it and worrying about it says that you know the right things. Take it one day at a time and you will be fine.

Good luck!

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