Today I went to Zumba again for the first time since surgery and having dropped 53 pounds. For some reason I thought that I would be more graceful and more able to swing my hips and do my thing but I'm still gonna have to work on that. Thank god I 'dance' in the back of the class! Before I dropped this weight I had actually gotten pretty good at Zumba, but now I feel like my body is going nuts. My center of gravity is shot to hell, I drop everything and I just generally feel off. Not bad, as I actually feel pretty good, but different. Lighter, in some ways, and both stronger and weaker in others. I feel like I have a greater range of movement without all the previous fat globbed onto my bones, but I kinda feel like I'm 13 again and had just grown 3 inches overnight. Where do all the knees and elbows go?!?

I sometimes find myself shocked when I can sit cross-legged in a chair that I use to wedge myself into. Or when I cross my legs without thinking. Or when I put on that shirt that hasn't fit in 3 years. Little blasts of shocked pleasure and then I remember that my body is radically different right now. I almost feel like I'm going through puberty and having to relearn a drastically changing body landscape. Just today I realized that I needed a smaller sports bra. Of course, this realization happened during a particularily energetic Zumba song, but I was still surprised as I often remember it being almost too tight. Strange. I catch myself on those memories fairly frequently.

I also wonder what my body is going to feel like in another 90ish pounds when I get down to my goal weight. I sometimes feel like my body is melting away around me (totally not complaining!!) while my mind is off somewhere in an Irish pub singing bawdy sailor songs only to come back to a totally redocorated house. It's strange, and lovely, but so very confusing at the same time.