I have been waylaid, struck down, undone, attacked, freaked out, scared to death, gutted like a fish, and this was just last week. What does next week hold? Thank You Father for not letting me know the future!

Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with uterine carcinosarcoma ("unique, rare, and extremely aggressive cancer"). Heck... I've been having these symptoms for 1.5 years. *gulp* So... enlarged uterus and post-menopausal bleeding is a symptom of something really dire. Well, la tee da.

Last Friday I had a total hysterectomy (done laparoscopically with the DaVinci robot) and have been home since Saturday. Bam! Now my VSG scars have 5 matching little sisters :-) One of them opened up this morning and is leaking fluid. Bam! The results from my lymphectomy are in but the doctor isn't and the receptionist won't tell me the results without the doctor reviewing it first. Bam! He won't be in until Friday. Bam! Bam! Bam!

Yeah, so right now I feel like I've been beaten with a baseball bat and the hits just keep on coming.

I will probably have to start doing chemo & radiation (so much for my hair falling out due to VSG !) but the prognosis from the surgery was good - it looks like all of the cancer was contained inside the uterus.

So there are much scarier things to have to go through than the VSG surgery. My originating blog was a song about fear. Maybe I *can* see the future! And what am I afraid of now? I'm afraid of leaving my family.... they will be so hurt. I have to find a residential program that will take my grandson. I have to update some "how to" documentation for my husband. In other words, I have to get my affairs in order. I am not afraid to die because I know Jesus has "prepared a place" for me.

Then again, I am fully prepared to continue living too

Update: just found out from the oncologist that all of the lymph nodes they removed are cancer free. WOO HOO ! :-)