Hello....

Well, here we are. I know how I got here, there's no question as to that. And I know how hard I've tried to not be here. I've been overweight all my life. I have pictures going back to pre-school that show I'm overweight compared to classmates. Even my cutest pictures give it away. Putting my hands together, you can see the dimples in my hands where my knuckles should be. I'm not saying I wasn't a cute little girl, I was, but it only grew into a bigger problem as I got older (we all know, all pun was intended).

I've read other posts, and so many others have gone through similar situations...grandmother who would say "you would be SO pretty if you would only lose weight", the subtle hints of cut out weight loss articles left in strategic places where they know you would find them, name calling in school by class mates, being conveniently forgotten when invites are "spur of the moment" for lunch in the office. All add up to internal turmoil and incessent self-punishment and then finding condolence with chololate or other sugar-laced/carbo-loaded delacacies. Then the evil cycle begins. Each Sunday conjuring up self-esteem and faith in myself to find the strength to get a new habit to form to eat right and exercise, to only have some family drama, or office stress point derail the progress.

In 2007 I started the 3-hour diet by Gorge Cruise. Success! -80 lbs. I was SO proud, slipped into size 12 jeans and was pumped! Then I met my husband and everything that was accomplished was undone with all the fun and spoiling that came along with falling in love. I know he only wants what's best for me, and he's constantly reinforcing me that he doesn't care about my weight, he fell in love with me, not my body. I've tried to explain to him that falling in love with me, means he has to fall in love with a me that is in love with myself, and if I can't stand myself, I can't buy in to the fact that there is someone out there that can love me more than I do.

My most recent physical was a week ago last Friday. All tests were normal. N-O-R-M-A-L. I don't have high blood pressure....my thyroid is fine....I don't have high sugar or diabetes....my cholesterol is fine....I don't have hypertension, aches of any kind, or pains that cause issues. So if I'm so "nomal"....why am I overweight!!?? The doctor has suggested with everything as good as it is now, and the fact that I've been overweight since pre-school, maybe the sleeve procedure is a good bet to help get things where they need to be. I have signed up for the 5/24 information session, and my husband is 100% behind me and wants to attend as well. (Even my mother-in-law wants to go....and she's 88 with her own health issues!) I'm more comfortable telling my inlaws, than I am telling my own family! I told my sister, and she's perfectly cool with it if it's what I think is best for me.

I have a friend in the office who had the lap-band procedure and I watched her lose weight rapidly. She went from a size 22 (230 lbs) to a size 4 (140 lbs) in about 8 months. That was 2 or 3 years ago. She is slowly slipping back up the scale because she gets so busy at work with all the travel required, she doesn't return to her doctor to get a "fill" to keep things in check. I understand this completely, but if that's the result of the lapband, and that you can cheat it that easily, I don't want it. I want something that will help me learn (force me to learn) what portion control HAS to be. Not what is should be, but what it HAS to be because my stomach isn't able to handle what "should" be. (ie. eliminate the possiblity of my subconscious sabotaging me)

Growing up, my parents divorced when I was 10. Six months later, my dad remarried. My stepmom isn't the most understanding when it comes to being overweight. She's been thin most of her life, so doesn't "get" what it means to have a weight issue. Then when I was 16 my mom died in a car accident, followed by my best friend since before pre-school 9 years later. Needless to say, a bit of stress. Moved to college, and was given the news from my dad that no matter what "she is my wife, right or wrong, and I will always back her"....that helped the self-esteem. I have only been his daughter longer than she's been his wife, but "whatever". So in a way, I've been on my own since college, with my sister as my primary cheerleader. I'm not saying I have a bad family, they're as loving as they know to be and they do what they think is right and I love each and everyone of them.

I'm in a place right now, that after talking with my doctor, I belive this procedure is the best avenue for me to re-invent myself. Like I said, my husband is 100% onboard and ok with my choice. I've already called my insurance company, and as long as it's "in network" (which it is), the procedure is covered 100%. My only requirement is to call the patient care line (or the doctor will) 5 days prior to the procedure.

So....next step....May 24, attend information session with the doctor who performs the procedure, and take all the questions I've been able to get from those who have experienced it to ask while I'm there. Any suggestions as to what a "newbie" should ask when they go to the information session?

Thanks, everyone. I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

Tif