Things I Miss
Something that's been nagging at me since surgery....
I miss being able to chug water. Badly.
I'm almost 5 weeks out from surgery, and still can barely hit 40oz of fluid intake a day. That being said - that amount is double my intake from the week before, when I discovered how wonderful straws truly are. I thought all liquids gave me the burps; instead, I can drink pretty much everything now burp-free, provided it's through a straw.
I had pre-employment paperwork today for a new job, and while I was filling out the mountain of legal stuff, the woman casually asks for me to give a urine sample for drug tox testing....and I secretly panicked! I had been sip sip sipping along on my water all morning, but I was no where near prepared to give 50ml of urine on the spot! Heck, I'm lucky to pass 200ml total on any given day! Yes, I'm chronically dehydrated since surgery, and it sucks.
In the past, this would not have been an issue. I was notorious for being able to chug a full liter of water in under 30 seconds as a pre-op. Now it takes me the better part of 6 hours to get down one of those 16.9oz bottles. WTF. After 3 hours of drinking as much as I possibly could, I was only able to produce 20ml of urine...they sent the test bottle off anyways, but I have that sneaking suspicion that I'll be required to retest.
See, little things like this nag at me as a post-op. I was prepared to possibly not be able to eat red meat/steak again, so I spent quality pre-op time eating a TON of beef, and I was ok with that going away. I had no idea I'd end up lactose intollerant...to the point where I wake up at night, covered in sweat and dreaming of cheese, to the point where I can taste it in my mouth!!
The social aspects of food are hitting me hardest. I suppose that this is normal for everyone. I've been lucky in that I have been somewhat isolated from other people for the last month, but food advertising is everywhere, and it makes me want to strangle people. If I have to see one of those Pizza Hut ads for that damn CHEESY BITE PIZZA one more time, I swear I'll go postal!!!! Bread and cheese! I'd rather have it than sex! ....at least, I think I would. Truth be told, I'm not even sure if I would really enjoy it anymore.
And that's what it comes down to....food hold absolutely no enjoyment for me any more. I can't think of anything in my food choices that tastes GOOD right now. Some things are more tolerable than others, but there is nothing that I truly savor, and it makes me sad.
I'm sure the fact that I'm "stalled" does not help matters. I chose to consume a small amount of something I shouldn't, and gained 4 lbs of fluid overnight...which has stubbornly clung on for the last 3 days. And now I am terrified to eat pretty much anything. Worried that I went in debt and nearly died from complications...all for 42lbs of weight loss, which may or may not stay off.
Ugh, frustrated. I'm at that point where I'm not far enough to see positives (no, I haven't lost any clothing sizes or had any NSVs yet), but buried in negatives, and it's hard to see when things will improve.
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