Here I am again. Standing at the beginning of this long road only this time, I'm 5 years older. Now 28, I am 221 lbs, on marriage number 2, still suffering from PCOS and unable to get pregnant, and quite frankly, I feel like I complete failure. At 23, I was banded. I thought that getting the lapband was the answer to my prayers. Unfortunately, it was anything but. I am only 10lbs down from my original starting weight. This time, this procedure will work for me. I feel as if I dont have another option. My life's dream has been to have a child, to be a mother, to feel the bond that a mother and child share with one another. I am not getting the sleeve for cosmetic reasons. I need this for my health and I'm afraid for my sanity as well. Don't get me wrong, I would love to look in the mirror and "love" the image staring me in the face. But, that is not what is most important to me at this point in my life. I am starting this blog as sort of a diary to be able to show my future child/children just how much they were loved before they were even conceived.

As of right now, I am getting my band removed in the next few weeks and then after my recovery, I will get my sleeve. I am hoping that within a year I can be at my goal weight and that I can proceed with my dream of having a family.

--Tamara