I just got home from a week long stay in the hospital with complications partially relating to my gastric sleeve surgery. Emotionally and physically, this has been a trying week.

I went around and around in my head many times...would I have still developed this clot at another time at another surgery, or just this one? Am I very fortunate, or am I being taught a lesson? I came home from the hospital with more questions than answers. I have this clot inside me, mentally it feels like a ticking time bomb. Rationally I know that the Warfarin is doing it's job and that the clot was shown to be stable....but that little nagging part of me still worries.

One of the worst parts of this whole ordeal is the side effects. Because I have this large clot partially obstructing my portal vein, blood backs up behind the clot and into the areas that the portal vein normally drains. This has resulted in very substantial fluids in my abdomen and near-constant pain at my left flank area, where my spleen is under backflow pressure. Before I left the hospital, the consulting surgeon went out of his way to make sure I realized that my spleen still may die or need to be removed within the next few months, if the increased blood pressure to the spleen continues and it becomes damaged or infarcts. This would mean more surgery and hospital stays.

I have regained scale weight because of all the fluid retention, leaving my current weight at 289lbs. My surgery day weight was 296, and I was 277 on my hospital admission 04/27. This is....frustrating. It may be many months before I am able to lose all the excess abdominal fluid. Here's the awkward part - I can tell I've lost weight off my hips, as my pants fit better....except for the waistbands, which I can hardly button due to the extra fluids. My waist is currently LARGER than it was preop, I've had to return to using yoga pants. I feel like an over-full water balloon.

I want to say a word of caution - knowledge of your procedure and it's limits is going to be your most important ally should you need to be hospitalized post-op. When I was in the ER this past friday night, the ER doc wanted me to do an abdominal-pelvic CT scan with oral contrast. For those not familiar - the patients needs to consume about 12oz of contrast fluid within a certain period of time in order for the film to highlight the abdominal contents correctly. When I informed the MD that it might take me a little bit to get the contrast in, he became impatient and told the nurse "Just put an NG tube in her and push in the contrast if she won't drink it". Once again...for those not familiar: a Nasal Gastric (NG) tube is just like it sounds: A tube inserted through your nose and run down into your stomach for the purpose of inserting or draining of stomach liquids. I had to really advocate for myself - this MD was not familiar with the sleeve at all and thought I had a Lap Band and was simply refusing to drink the amount required of me. It took many stern reminders to get him to understand that I had a tiny stomach space with both sphincters intact - you can't just SHOVE fluid into it! Also, throughout my hospital stay, getting things I could consume from the kitchen was an ordeal. They would send me trays with ginger ale, coffee, cranberry cocktail with HFCS, milk....and this was after I had explicitly told the kitchen and the staff many, many times - no carbonation, no milk products (I'm lactose intolerant now), no sugar (tummy doesn't deal well with it now)....if not for my husband, there would have been problems. I sent him out daily for things that I could actually consume. Sad statement of affairs. I thought I finally got a doc to listen to me...and he switched me to a regular diet! Imagine my chagrin at the turkey sandwich, salad, baked beans and chocolate cake that were brought to me! Just 4 short weeks ago...but I digress. Be aware that medical staff is not out to harm you, they just don't know any better. You are now a sleeve ambassador!

On the bright side, I started mushies yesterday. Darling husband brought me some very pureed refried beans from the local mexican place....heavenly! I can get down a couple Tbsp, no gas or issues, seems to sit nicely. Tried some strained cheese soup today, results not nearly as good. Still touch and go.

It is frustrating to realize that Monday is my 3rd week post-op...and I'm still feeling tired and like I can't seem to fit in with the world yet. I hope this changes soon.