Since being back on the blood pressure meds I dropped 5 pounds....jippeee,and the bounced back one pound.I've also been having an uncomfortable pain in my kidney area and tonight when I got on the scale at 23:00,yes I know I shouldnt do that at all ever, I am up another 1,5 pounds.Did the keto stick and my goodness,I am in deeeeeep purple ketosis for the first time ever in my life.

A few things might be causing this.It is now up in the 100 degrees (and over) every day and very humid.I have been struggling a bit with the water intake but not too bad.So I might be dehydrated a little.However I dont look or feel it.

Then it might be that I am high on proteins.I have found these nifty little chicken breasts (frozen with a lemon and herb sauce) and that has been my main food for the past 2 days.2 of them weighs 80 grams and I have 22g of protein and I have had 6 of them yesterday and today.Breakfast,lunch and supper.Add to that about 5g protein for milk in my tea and a little in the veggies (2 tiny pieces of broccoli and half of a very small yellow squash that comes from SA and is low cal and low carb) Say it was a total of 75g for the day.The carbs was about 50 as I had a teaspoonof hummus,milk and veggies and a SF popcicle as well.

If the pain persist tomorrow I will phone the BP dr.

However,I have realized that I will have to start exercising pronto.As in today.To be sure that I do the right things and to not drive myself crazy all the time second guessing weather I am doing the right things,am I eating to much (I know with my head this is not possible) but my emosions tells me differently.

How I hate the way the scale freaks me out.the only way I know to control this is to back to dieting the way I know well.I didnt want to obsess with food tracking,low carbing but I will have to.I also believe I should now start making hay while the sun still shines and lose as fast as I possibly can,and believe me,I have put in no effort what so ever until today.It was just lovely for it to just happen but I cannot take this out of control feeling any longer.

1.I will start by just doing walk away the pounds or some dvd here at home.I will play squash twice a week.

Next week I will start going to the gym.

The thing is for the first time ever I am so self concious when at the gym.I just am not motivated to expose myself to all the thin people...lol.(and we have a ladies only gym at the club as well)

So,this is me for today.Crazy,obessed over weight gain that is not real and petrified because I might fail.

Tomorrow will be the positive,new me....lol

I have read some of my friends blogs and it is all so upbeat and positive and it seems that I am the only one with this crazy roller coaster emotions...or I am just an external prosessor that talks about it.And maybe I have to start fake it until I make it and not express myself the way I do.Maybe I will pretend that everything is just perfect and maybe it will become just that.

xxo