People say it is good to get back to your routine. I think that is true, because life is for the living and life does go on. One of the saddest parts of my day is my drive to work. I have a long commute, 40 miles, which takes close to an hour. Each morning on my way to work, I would call my mom...she was always up early, and it was our time to visit. She lived between my town and the town where I work...so we lived close to each other, too. She knew all my friends, all the people I work with (and the ones I used to work with but don't now). She knew everything about my DD, because she took care of her from infancy until she started kindergarten. There was not one topic I could talk about that she didn't know all the details, and we could hash over everything. Now, I'm not saying we agreed on everything; we didn't. Over the years, I made some "right turns" and found myself squarely in the conservative mindset, while my mom became, if anything, more liberal. We clashed on political topics to the point I refused to discuss them with her, especially after the 2004 elections. We agreed to disagree on that. There is not one single morning that I don't physically ache to talk to her. My dad, kind man that he is, calls me every morning while I am driving...and I know he does it because mom and I used to. I enjoy our talks, too, but it's not the same, of course. Not many people know how hard it is, just to get to work each day. I wonder how many people notice the tears...I suppose most people are so busy thinking about their own stuff, there's no way anyone would see and wonder what is causing that lady to be so sad. Funny, sometimes I look at the other drivers and wonder what's on their minds? Are they missing someone, too? Are they worried about a sick family member? I guess that's kind of weird; but I know this: until you have experienced it, there is no way you will ever, ever understand what losing a parent actually means in the way of sadness. I know I can never be nice and helpful enough to any friend who loses a parent in the future.

I am grateful for a dear friend I work with who has been there for me without fail, and knows how hard my morning drive is.

I am grateful for this journal space.

I am grateful for my compassionate DH, who has the patience of Job.

Until tomorrow...

I didnt know you very well before I read this journel. But now Ive got tears of sorrow, compassion, love... all for you. My mom is my best friend. I can so relate to the ritual morning phone calls, and the sharing of everything. Just thinking of her being gone is more painful then I can bare - but its something we all have to face.

God bless you.

and you have found your strength in the right place.