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The Super-Breakdown At The Superstore

tmorgan813

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* As Always, this is a comical view of weight loss surgery. I hope it makes you smile and if you're lucky, maybe even laugh.* For the full disclaimer, please read yesterday's blog post. **

 

 

It' been a little over two weeks and I have been following the plan. I get my protein and liquids in. I exercise almost every day. For the most part I think I am doing well. I have even managed to make it through the crazy mood swings which if you would have asked me a week ago I would have told you they would have been the cause of my marriage falling apart. I should have known things were going too well.

 

Last night around 9pm, I was starving. I have noticed the past couple of days I have been hungry around this time but I have just tried to focus on my liquids to fill me up. Well, last night I had to go to Walmart to pick up a few things. I figured getting out and doing something would help me stop wanting food. I also thought that maybe while I was there, I could find something soft that was high in protein that I could have as a snack. I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

My husband came with me because he too wanted something to snack on. Of course his snacks can range from potato chips, ice cream, little Debbie cakes, or anything else he he is in the mood for. Mind you, earlier he had pizza for dinner while I had my 2oz of tuna and my 2oz of lima beans. The smell of the pizza made me want to run across the room, jump on top of him and rip the slice of pepperoni pizza out of his hands. I didn't do this, but I did visualize it many times while taking my little bites of tuna and lima beans. And, no matter how hard I tried, the tuna never magically began to taste like pizza.

 

For the record, I am a strong woman. I can handle walking through the chip and candy aisle in the store. I can handle buying my husband things I won't be able to eat for over a year, and I can handle knowing that the surgery was not the end all be all of my weight loss. I am going to have to watch what I eat, get my protein in, and not eat sugar. What I couldn't handle last night for some reason was the realization that I can't have any of that stuff NOW.

 

The strange thing, which I tried to explain to my husband, was that I really didn't want candy, or chips, or sugar. I just wanted something that wasn't mush. i wanted something with some crunch and I only wanted a a small bite of it. But, no matter how I tried to explain it, I couldn't get my point across. My poor husband seemed so confused when i finished explaining my feelings. He kept trying to "fix it" by coming up with options (which none of them sounded good at all) which only made him feel frustrated for not being able to help. Then, it all boiled up inside of me. While my husband was deciding between sugary item 1 vs. sugary item 2, I lost it. I became the crazy witch that I thought I buried a week ago. Somehow she managed to claw her way up thought the dirt of her shallow grave and rear her ugly head. I finally snapped. I told him to buy them both so we could get out of there. He didn't get it. He continued to do the pros and cons between the two. I couldn't handle it. I grabbed both things and threw them in the cart before he could say another thing. I somehow made it through the check out line and out the door before I lost it. Once outside, the tears came. I couldn't even explain why I was crying. I didn't regret my surgery. I wasn't mad at my husband for getting real food and snacks. I just felt tired. Tired of trying to explain myself to my husband, tired of not having anything to eat that I really enjoyed. Tired of eating the same thing two times a day. I tried to voice my emotional breakdown but as much as my husband tried to understand, I couldn't even make my emotions make sense to me. Then again, what crazy person can make their craziness sound reasonable to others? That would be like being in an insane asylum am telling the doctor, "yes, I hear voices, and I know they aren't real so I think the medication and shock treatment would be the appropriate form of therapy right now." That doesn't happen, so why I thought I could explain my craziness, I can't even begin to understand.

 

I wish I could say that once I cried and got it all out, I felt better but I would be lying. I still want something different to eat. I miss bread. I miss chips, and I really miss ice cream. But I have to keep thinking that all those things were a huge cause of me getting to the point of having weight loss surgery. Why I want them now, I have no idea. Like I said, I think it's more that I want the option to have them more than I actually want them,. I don't want anything sweet. I don't want salty food. If you would have told me that I couldn't eat tuna, lima beans or apple sauce, I would be craving that. It's all psychological. Not that knowing that makes it easier. It actually makes me feel weak knowing it's in my head and I am still having it affect me like this.

 

Hopefully, my husband won't have to deal with the crazy crying lady again anytime soon. He doesn't like to see me like that and it makes him feel like he can't eat his foods in front of me. Despite me telling him numerous times that I don't care. I can see how the mixed signals could confuse him. I turned into that woman who says "No, I don't want anything for my birthday." but when my birthday comes I get upset he didn't give me a gift. If I was him, I wouldn't want to eat in front of me ever again. The poor man is walking a tight rope with no net under him. I think he's having it worse than I am even though I'm the one crying. The poor man thinks I think he's a monster when in reality, I'm the crazy witch that can't get her emotions under wraps. Hopefully for him and I, things will level out soon and my cravings will go away. If they don't, I may just rip that pizza out of his hands one night. :)



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Search http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/ she has lots of protein ice cream recipes and she has these great little microwave protein cakes too - I like to make a chocolate one and then toast a slice and add peanut butter - it really helps with the bread craving! She also has pancake bites which are yummy. She doesn't put proteing powder in them but I did add a scoop of unflavord myself and it was still good - I made some with chopped up pepperoni (I didn't have bacon or sausage on hand) and YUM! She also has a ricotta panckae recipe - again YuM! All these things have really helped me when I craved something I shouldn't have - great healthy alternatives. She had RNY several years ago and her site is a wealth of WLS friendly recipes!

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I will so have to check out that web site. Thanks so much for for the info. I know I don't ask for help, but this time, I really appreciate it.!!!!

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Thanks for sharing - my surgery is set for May 10th - and the crazy lady came out in me today - I am so mad at my boyfriend - and I have not even had the surgery yet - he loves to eat - he talks about how he hopes I still cook the way we eat now for him - I am 2 weeks out and I am already being bitchy - after 12 hours of fighting not even sure what about anymore - I am sad. Maybe I am just nervous about my surgery, altho excited and can't wait -

Anyways I understand and I am glad to hear I am not alone!!!

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@Peasceful. Sounds to me that you may be feeling like he doesn't "get it". You will not be cooking the same way post-op as food will make you not want to. Then again, everyone is different. Is he on your side with this? Does he support you? Or is it that he supports you as long as it doesn't interfere with his life too much? LOL Believe it or not, the crazy witch gets worse after surgery. IF you are on a pre-op diet, then you at least will get to understand a little what it's like before surgery and so will he. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you are able to calmly sit down and explain to him that some things will change but not forever and that you will need his support during the difficult times. My poor husband hasn't had a home cooked meal in over a month. LOL He's learned to make himself a lot of cereal, PB&Js, and grilled cheese and soup. LOL Again, good luck and try to get your boyfriend to uderstand what to expect before surgery. The one thing you don't want after surgery it to get arguing and get your BP up or to start crying and aggravate your stomach. Let me know how you do. Will be thinking about you. :)

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My dr. said I could have sherbert. It's not exactly like ice cream, but it cures that craving. Ask your dr. ok? And for the crunch, try reduced fat nabisco ritz crackers. Per my dr's info (yes, check with yours) there are 3g of fat in 5 crackers, so I can have 5 (my limit on crackers is a 3g fat threshhold). Ok it isn't the cure all, but hope it helps. It DOES pass. And eggface's website rocks!

The hard part of WLS is we didn't fully realize how food was used in our lives. You are grieving the death of a comfort in your life. I sound freak'n nuts, find the shock paddles for my ECT therapy... but seriously, this is a HUGE change in your life. Be easier on yourself ok?

My hubby doesn't eat a bunch of carbs thankfully so I can only empathize. Noooooo instead he's a size 30" waist... yeah he got there whenever I went on weight watchers, years ago.

Hang in there mama! Good luck, from another crazy witch out here is WLS land. xoxo

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@4ALongerLife. Thanks so much for the info. I will have to talk to my doc about those options. I know it will get better once I am able to eat real food. I think the fact that I am still on pureed frood (not even soft yet) that makes it so hard. You are right, I never thought I used food for comfort, but now that I've had this done, I can so tell that I did. :) I told my husband that I can't wait to have popcorn. LOL I am even looking forward to it with out butter. I will have to check out the website you mentioned. And, I promise to try to be easier on myself...if I can. I have been easier on my husband, so things are getting better.

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this reminds me of my failed attempt at 2 shakes and a meal a day.

After a week I was crying "i miss chewing during the day" and I am scared of the post-op diet...

I keep telling my husband, Yoli the b***h will be here visiting for a few days I will understand if you want to stay at your brothers house. I hope he can just deal tho...hes a big man however he eats like a little bird unless he is starving from not eating through out the day...he said he is going to try to do the post-op thing with me but with higher intake...lets see how that works.

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My husband said he would do the post op thing with me too...that didn't last for even a day. LOL He is a foodie and he wanted to eat. I remember taking him to Burger King, and even though the smell and thought of that food turned my tummy, it pissed me off that he could eat it and I couldn't. Also, it showed me that his post op diet was much different than mine. LOL Good luck with your surgery. It gets much easier every day. I know hearing it from all us means nothing, but it is true. Let me know how you're doing with it.

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