Struggling :(
Ok today I feel a bit like crying. I am trying, really trying at this journey to be successful, but why do I just feel like I'm flubbing up? And yes, I don't mean flubbing, but I'm trying to keep this PG or at least PG13, ok?
I finally downloaded myfitnesspal.com, where before I was writing everything as I took it in my mouth (the old Weight Watcher's lingo of "write it if you bite it" comes to mind); however, everyone says use fitness pal, so I'm trying that. Omg I'm not eating enough. How in hades DO I EAT MORE? Yeah, I know ... all the newbies that possibly read this are now thinking "WHAT?" but I cannot eat enough to half of the calories this thing says for me to do. And I went to the gym. Mind you I only did 2 miles, I feel like I was lazy but it was a rushed amount of time and this thing says I burned 384 cals. So I'm now about to where I started after breakfast. What? Oh wait I forgot I "ate" the rest of my breakfast shake later. Well whoopee, only 1174 more calories to consume. It's 7 pm. Place your bets if you think I'm gonna get that in. No wonder I'm ravenous late at night. HOW DO I DO THIS? grrrr
And is it ok to count Cytomax pure protein tangerine or tropical drinks as my water for the day? Per my dr., I thought so... per myfitnesspal, no... that has it's own category.
Am I going to fail at this? Seems like the story of my life. Yeah I know boo hoo but I'm having a moment. I lived through the surgery, staying an extra day because my temp kept spiking. Went home and got pneumonia so I went back for a week to the hospital... got out only to go back in in extreme pain, come to find out I have a leak and an abscess and have to do surgery again (mind you I paid for this out of my pocket and have the rottenest. lousiest insurance plan ever). Yes these would be tears in my beer, but I CAN'T DRINK BEER anymore. Sigh....
And I'm trying to get back to working out and ppl tell me I'm messing up by doing that. I love love love the elliptical. I miss my workouts of 5 miles min a day. So I'm doing 3 every other day to build up. Mind you the revision surgery was 3/20... so this is too soon? My dr. said do what you want, you should be ok to be active, don't worry your body will tell you whenever you do too much. So it did every other day... enough time for me to recover and get back into the gym and do 3 more miles. So today I "took it easy" and only did two miles. Treadmills are boring to me..... and it's too hot in the great state of Tejas to run outside (yes, it's gorgeous right now but I would keel over and die from lack of oxygen if I ran.... THAT is a huge challenge that I KNOW I am not currently ready for).
But then I get on the scale (yeah bad idea) and I'm up a bit. Not enough to mention but just when I'm feeling like ... well since dinner that I struggled to make isn't working for me (as my belly is wringing itself out like a limp dishtowel after I took a few bites of the turkey-nitas --- yeah my own creation. I found a recipe on eggface's website that sounded delish and then in the store I remembered, my dr. says no pork until 6 months out... maybe b/c he's jewish as a friend told me that's not what her dr. said... idk but that's what my dr. said so i follow it, period). Anywho, I digress and ramble because I am having an emotional moment, sorry.... but I feel like I can't eat anything. I'm struggling with not drinking during a meal. REALLY struggling. And in eating enough ... grrrrr. Can someone send me 5 to 10 recipes of what they lived on during this frustrating phase between full liquids to mush? IDK what I'm doing. But here's my goal: NO MORE LEAKS, pray for no abscess (that crap HURTTTTTTS, or mine certainly did as it was in my diaphragm four days after my discharge from the hospital with pneumonia... hmm seems to me that the diaphragm is needed after you get out with pneumonia.... God's funny right? it's not God, forgive me lord....). Just ain't that Murphy's law? It is in my life I guess....
Ok sorry that was ramble city... but how do you "be successful" with this? I'm worried I'm "plateauing" already.
And DOES my cytomax pure protein drinks count as my water - or just to the 48 oz a day? Sigh.... so much to try to keep up on. I need help. Lord please, send me a patient angel who doesn't mind the rambling overemotional crappus that women do!
Hope all of you are being successes... and pass it forward to those that struggle. One day, dang it, that's gonna be me (gulp, I hope).
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