Easter #2 was yesterday! Yes Easter #2. This is what happens when you come from a close knit family, that's huge! You have to plan holidays on different days of the actual holidays!` We've had Christmas in Jan. for years!

I love getting together with my family, not everyone was there, which was sad, but it was still nice to see those who did come! It was nice! We had a HUGE Easter egg hunt for the kids! There was probably over 200 eggs, and only about 6 kids. Needless to say they made out like a bandit. LOTS of candy! So much candy it was kind of sad. I did well though, and did not touch any of it!

Then we had the big Easter egg hunt. It's a money egg, that you have to pay to hunt for. 2 dollars per person. This egg is hidden the night before, and everyone can hunt, kids, and grown up. The money goes into a jar, so the egg is empty. Whoever finds the special egg wins the jar of money. This year there was 28 dollars in the jar. It was pouring rain, and there was several people out looking for this egg for 28 dollars. I however was not one of them. I sat on the couch and watched from a distance. Wishing I could be out there with them, but knowing that physically I couldn't. And you have no idea how much that killed me. I hate watching life from a window. And that is what I am doing watching life through a window, watching as everyone else carries on, hunts Easter eggs, plays and runs with the kids. Rides bikes, flies kites and enjoys life to the fullest. I watch from a couch or chair because physically I can't do it. And this kills me! I hate this so much. I know it's one step at a time. But those steps are so hard..and painful! I look at my life and feel like a failure. I can't do anything, I can't get a job, I can't make money, and I can't have a life of my own. Because of this weight. This prison I've put myself in. I don't want to live like this anymore! I want to be free.. but I can't do this on my own.

I feel bad begging people for money, especially people I do not know well. Which is why I haven't been doing my fundraising any more. I figure if people wanted to donate to my cause they would have. I was even told that WLS is not a good enough cause to donate money too, the risks are too high, there isn't enough proof that it is 100% effective, and that sometimes it's just better to be overweight. Well thank you for saying that my life isn't worth it! That stung. But then I realized how uneducated, an uninformed this person was. I mean we live in a society where media tells us what to believe, and most people believe what they see and hear on TV, and instead of finding out the facts for themselves, they go by what they media says.. and that's that. (I mean look at our Government and that mess! Not going there though..not in this blog).

My dad had mentioned at one time that they could possibly get a loan and have it paid off in three years, if he and my mom stopped smoking. Well after hearing "stop smoking" it was never mentioned again. I guess it's better if we all three die together, than get healthy with each other? Because if that's the case, and they could pay off the loan in three years with what they save from not smoking this surgery could save three peoples lives! Not just my own! It could prevent me from having diabetes, high blood pressure, and being stuck in THEIR house under their support for the rest of my life. And it could keep them from getting lung cancer, or having to live with a hole in their throat due to throat cancer! Why wouldn't you pick that road? I don't get it? If I started to lose weight, I could get a job, because I cannot work right now due to my weight. I could eventually take over the loan payments.

IDK..I just need change! I feel like I'm hoping for nothing, and wishing for something that's never going to happen. I wish I could just win the loto or come into some money.

Well this blog had very little to do with Easter huh? But I do feel better getting this out and in the open.