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Keeping Surgery A Secret Or Sharing The Experience

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Odee

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I'm still unsure if I will keep the surgery a secret - just my husband, daughters and 1 close friend know now, or if I will share the experience with others.

 

For some reason I am struggling with sharing the news. I think I am afraid of how people will judge me and what they will say/think about me. That makes me wonder what I think about it myself - am I embarrassed or ashamed ?

 

On the other side, I think it would be really cool and therapeutic to share the experience with some and be able to blog about it. I want to share this journey but I think I am ashamed of what I let happen to me. That I let myself get so out of control and overweight.

 

I think I have a lot of things I need to figure out and work on before I make a decision that I can't change once its done.

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t's your choice , I have let a few co workers know and only half of my family . I am sure they will figure it out , but for now l choose only to tell people who will be positive.

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I've talked about this in my blog. It's your choice. I didn't tell anyone other than my husband (of course), sister and two friends that live in other states. No one at work knows. It's my business and I don't want my surgery to be the topic of conversation or any bias or preconceived notions. Simple. But, in stating that I also understand why sleevers make it public. I just chose not to tell anyone and all is cool and positive. You'll know the right way for you. Whatever is your comfort level.

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I also write about a lot of these issues in my blog. I did not tell anyone until I was approved and had a date. Then I felt free to tell everyone. Some people tried to talk me out of it and others were supportive. I was strong in my convictions and knew why I was doing this. Yes, there was SOME shame in allowing myself to get to 330 lbs, but, now that I have lost 56 lbs, every one says how great I look and I FEEL great and have a lot more energy. Drop me a note if you need to talk, I'm around. I write about my journey at http://jfabulous43.wordpress.com/

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You know I should've waited to think about it, but when i went to go to the consultation i knew my decision and i knew i would be happier with it and i was excited about making the decision so i told some of my cousins and family members... bad idea. Now all they wanna do is talk to me about the complications and how i don't need it or treat me like im pitiful or weak, when really i'm just human.. It's definitely your choice, but just know that saboteurs exist, and that everyone has 2 cents that they'd love to chip in. My advice is pick the ones you know love and support you and your decisions. Leave the rest in the dark. BLESS and good luck.

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I personally feel comfortable telling people, my family on the other hand gets upset with me. They always make the statement, why did you tell anyone.It makes me feel they are embarassed that I took a proactive step in my life to have surgery. My sleeve date is April 18th.

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I told everyone, family, friends, and everyone at work because I didn't want to have everyone asked me why I was out for two weeks or you look like you losing weight what's your secret. I personally wanted people to asked me questions or express their concerns before the surgery and not after. My family and friends was very supportive (mostly)...work was also supportive except for 1 person but she was a big B to begin with so I expected it. One of my work friends had a lot of questions about my experience...later to find out he is having by pass surgery at the end of the month. :)

I am a very strong person and out spoken at work so I know most people wouldn't say anything negitive to my face which is fine by me. But people will talk and not always nicely...people still think this is a easy way out, which it's not...and some people will just think your sickly/pitiful/weak which is not the case because you are doing something that will hopefully extend your life and give you a better quality of life. To those people, I say "Yes, I cheated...cheated heart failure, high blood pressure, back and knee pain, depression, and an earily grave...so yes, I cheated".

But to be honest, if I had to do it all over again, I would only tell my family and closest friends but not lie if asked by coworkers.

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I'm not ashamed of it but it is a controversial subject, especially among average weight people. They just won't understand because their attitude is "just eat less." I will be more than happy to discuss my journey with someone else who might benefit from it, but that's it. Why risk being judged by anyone for something I've done that's harmless to others and none of their business? The gossip / rumor mill is a nasty, vicious circle and it's always looking for fresh meat.

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I've chosen to tell people... for a few reasons. 1) One of my core values is honesty. When someone I care about asks me what I've been up to, it would be difficult not to mention the research that has consumed me, while considering a life altering procedure. (this does not mean I feel the need to announce it on facebook or to people who are more like acquantances.) 2) I *want* to hear the horror stories. I want to make an informed decision... if anyone I know has a friend that had this procedure who regretted it... I want to know! 3) I have been at this weight for 20 years, and everyone in my work and personal circles know that even on a diet of 1600 calories a day, I do not lose weight... when I am suddenly losing multiple pounds a week... I would rather not have to make up stories that are unbelievable. 4) If I should have any complications in the future, I want the people who surround me to understand how they can help me.

I've shared my concerns, my research, my possible future with more than 20 people... and have recieved overwhelming support, which has only affirmed the path I am on. This includes three of my doctors, and a friend I worried about telling the most, who cried with me, and offered to help me pay for the procedure. The people who love me want me to be healthy and pain-free (I'm already happy), and to avoid suffocating in my sleep (I have severe sleep apnea). I do know how very blessed I am, with a loving and supportive community. I wish the same for everyone!

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Oh my goodness !! Thank you to each one of you that commented. What a great feeling to read these words, I can't even tell you. Thank you so much. =)))

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i have told more friends then family of my intentions because once when i casually stated that i was thinking about surgery i was bombarded with remarks , some good and some ugly. So this time i have decided to wait untill closer to my date to tell my family. however i have told some people and have realized that you will need different attitudes to answer different people. With some i was able to share my thoughts and with others i had to take a short and strick approch. when they asked questions like "what made you decide to do THAT? its SOO dangerous." i would respond " it might sound drastic to yiu but for me it is something i have made my mind up to do. And i am really happy to have your support.

' just shut down thier negativity BEFORE they have a chance to ruin your friendship with rude remarks. after they think a while before they speak again they will realize two things: one its not thier choice and : two if they really care about you, they will support you.

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I wrote about this today!

I dont know how I feel...I think its easier for me to tell people and have the WHATEVER attitude. But I dont want my husbands family to know...THEY ARE SOOOOOO CRITICAL and they all have an opinion! But they are also the people who keep asking when we are going to have a baby, even after knowing we have a problem in that area and it's very sensitive!

If you know that it is what you want and arent going to let negative people sway you then SPEAK FREELY!

Although no ones opinion is going to sway me not to do it, I really dont want to be nasty with anyone and I can feel that coming on.

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