My Emotions
over the past few weeks I have been on a real roller coaster emosionally.
The thing is I did have a what the heck have I done moment while still in hospital but once it was done,how can that matter? I am never an eternal optimist about anything but I cannot look back to often,I just get so angry with myself for lacking the self discipline needed to eat normal.
So,I have little moments when I really want to eat...just to eat,not because I am hungry.Then I have moments when I have the pain in my back and abdomen that I am scared it will stay like this forever.Then I have moment s when I think I can drink/eat too much of the liquidized food.Then I fear the acid which I know is present as it affects my voice.
Most of all I fear failing at this,not losing the weight,eating when I shouldnt,staying fat!
BUT THEN I HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I REALLY BELIEVE THAT MY FUTURE WILL BE EASIER.That I will lose weight and be able to have fun with my 11 year old.
That everything will be ok.
I dont dwell on any one of these things for too long.They are all fleeting emosions.At the moment I am trying to be patient with not eating solids and to drink enough and to not over do it during the day.
And that is good enough for me for now.
Xxo
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