The thing that scared me the most in my research, even more than hair-loss (yes, at times I have felt my hair was my best feature), was that some people have lost friends along this journey. The day I heard that on a video log, I felt sick to my stomach. I told my Mom about that discovery over the phone, and she gasped. We both know that there is nothing more important in my life than my sacred, devoted, and loyal friendships. I'm an Aquarius, so there are many. I have always felt you can never have too much love in your life, and so I've been a collector, of sorts... a friend-collector.

I dwell within a wonderfully supportive community. Actually, it consists of multiple circles that sometimes overlap. Because I am a highly committed individual, my relationships have been well-tended and nurtured for many years. I have had friends, in the past, who were not quite as committed to doing the work required to maintain something as deep as I desire... the kind of friendship where you can speak your truth, be yourself, and feel supported and loved unconditionally. I mean, when you know what true friendship feels like, why would you settle for less. So, long ago, I learned to let go of that which no longer serves me. (Which reminds me of what will occur with this surgery... removing that which no longer serves me.) Not that I quit talking to people... but that I decided which relationships were friends and which were acquaintances. It helps to know where to spend one's energy.

Because honesty is so important to me, I have chosen to be completely open with those in my large community of close friends. I feel that I am considering changing my life in a very big way, and their support is terribly important to me. Besides, if you ask me what has been going on in my life, the fact that I've been spending every hour not working in research mode, would leave very little to discuss if I chose not to share my truth. I don't have a spouse or significant other, so my family and friends are all I have to help me through the difficult days, and to celebrate the monumental days.

I have been so pleasantly surprised by the responses I've received... I never imagined it would be so affirming. The women I work with closely have witnessed my struggle for the past 10 years, and they seem downright excited for me. They say with a gleam in their eyes: "So! How did it go at the information meeting at the hospital? What happens next?" When I told my boss, I explained to her that I am worried about the next 20 years, and how my body is already aching and breaking at age 43. I told her that I heard this surgery only requires a week away from work, and that was the main reason I was finally considering this option. And she said: "We are talking about your health for the next 15-20 years. You will take as much time as you need!" (I didn't cry, but I did get a lump in my throat.) I've told different friends at different times, and they allow me to share the procedure details, the fears I had about previous options, the fears I have about my future, and invite them to ask me questions. I have very thoughtful friends. The conversation ends with, "You have my full support. I want what is best for you." Some friends have offered to come to meetings and hold my hand, and some friends have decided they will come take care of me when I get out of the hospital.

I was afraid to tell a couple of friends, though. They had been a little judgmental about another friend who had gastric bypass, but in their defense, the situation was a little odd. We kept asking what she was doing for herself because she looked so great, and she wouldn't tell us. So when she kept going to the bathroom for long periods of time (possibly due to dumping) we worried she was bulimic. (We later learned that her sister had not responded in a supportive way - and I'm sure that set her off to be less trusting.) Anyway, I shook all the way to dinner, and I started the conversation by bursting into tears and telling them that I didn't want to lose their friendship. So... we all cried together, and when I finished sharing all I'd learned, so far... they were completely supportive and one even offered to help me pay for the procedure. Sheesh! That went WAY better than expected. I was so relieved.

For someone who doesn't even have insurance approval yet, I'm doing pretty well with this process. Ha! To add to all of this love I've been drowning in... a friend who had WLS two years ago has invited me into her support group. Last night I attended for the first time, and I found such wonderful women there, with great experience, wisdom, patience, courage, and generosity. Some of them said that they wished they'd started their journey with this kind of immersion, and encouraged me to continue coming, so that I can be more and more prepared for my 'adjusted' future.

I know that I am overwhelmingly blessed with such a supportive and loving community. I don't take it for granted, because I know there are some out there who feel very alone on this journey. I would urge anyone, even those well-supported like me, to reach out to your local WLS community and see if you can create a meet-up group with whom you can share your hopes and fears, questions and great discoveries. There is nothing like connecting with people who have walked with similar pain, illness, shame, and fear - and courageously stepped forward to regain control of their health, emerging as victors on the other side. It is a very inspirational and comforting section of this path.

Wishing you overwhelming love, support, and affirmation along your own journey...