I remember having a lot of the same issues leading up to my surgery. You have the right idea about surgery. You look it as an addition to other things you're doing. That is the right mindset! It is not just a magic pill but it will make a huge difference in the battle. I'm sorry your friend had such a hard time pain wise. Honestly for me, it was not that big of a deal in the pain department. I think it does depend on your pain threshold and if you've had surgery before. The people I have talked with who have had surgery before feel in general this is not that painful. I mean of course there is pain but not like it could be. So don't worry too much about that. I know you will do great!

www.300poundsdown.com

Lol - not saying that you should do anything illegal but if you were in California and you could use weed, I definately would not smoke it - I would (theoretically) get a vaporisor, or put it in cholocate milk made of half and half. THC (i learned about this in California :/ ) is most potent in a fatty mixture - else u loose most of it.

But it is a drug, legal, illegal, whatever - and yo should really be aware of how it would affect you - especially related to your mental health and any, any, any meds you are already on.

Mo codine in the UK? I never needed to know that, but that is scary! What do they do for people with pneumonia and such, if morphine and codine are banned?

SEE - I knew there was a reason I don't go abroad anymore!

About the rest of your post:

I made a decision not to tell my Mom (Mum, lol) and I don't regret it. But mine is a bad ending anyway - my Mom passed away a week after my surgery. Had I told her I know I would have spent the rest of my life wondering if I had worried her to death. She was 58 and it was totally unexpected.

...I kind of have a good hold on that but the actual removal of stomach; the pain of recovery;...

Even if you do don't be harsh on yourself if it slips a little. It is ok to freak out. It is OK to look at your stomach and cry. It is OK to have moments that take your breath away when you realize you will not interact with food the same again, and that you will not interact with people and food the same again. This will decrease for most us of as we concentrate on fixing our demons, and slowly realizing the change is not crazy-drastic.

People do not tend to remember the bad as much as they do the good. It is a good-ol scientific fact. It is one of the reasons why they offer medication sometimes to people with photographic memories - if we remebered all the bad, it would overwhelm. Imagine remembering every bellyache, every cut finger, toothache - every off word or deed!!! So we forget, and we remember good AND we all work at a subconcious level to actually make things less than they were - even if we can remember the importance of the event...What I aim to get at there is you will eventually - and not too far off, if you step up and deal with your issues (we all have them) you will look back and the crazy monumental feelings will still have importance and depth - but will be "normal" for you. The change will feel lessened, and eventually you will recall but not feel very connected to the old you. My best example may not be for everyone but I have been with my Hubby since 1999. It seems he has always been there - so has the farm and his family - even when I have had a chance to be with friends that are pre-hubby I feel as if he is in there somewhere. You will feel that way about you new life, new healthy choices, exercize and hopefully an active lifestyle.

I was self pay, and I walked into the doctor's office with an offer of cash across the board - which made it crazy easy to get the surgery - and I really suprised them that I still wanted the names of the nut, the counselor, etc - although I had been going to a nut for my diabetes, a counselor abotu 3x a year for diet and "burn-out" on the diabetic lifestyle, etc.

I urge you to get a support system going as soon as you can - please. If you cannot find one take the initiative and create one. I would hope that with it being as common as it is you could reach out to many needful people.

You really spiked my curiosity about the pain management. But if it were very verily shhhh I guess you wouldn't mention it in the first place...like govermental? M16, M15??? GCHQ? DIS?

Lol - don't get the conspiracy nerd in me going. There are very good ways to self-manage pain. I learned a few myself after a really bad incident, and more when I took them with a friend dying of cancer. They helped physical pain - but also emotional pain.

Lol - your responses really brighten my day!! In the UK we are allowed to use morphine and codeine...in Dubai (which is where I am living), we are not as it is classed as 'haram' - not within Islamic guidelines...codeine is opium based)

I am sure that they have alternatives! You just cant get them over the counter xxx

Hey darling. Don't get worried much. I am getting better. Will be there for you in the hospital and support you. Just don't think about it much. I told Maria if you guys want to come to my place sometime this weekend for a coffee. Deb will join if you need to talk. see you. xoxoxo