Day 23: "So-So"

Today was a beautiful day here on the central coast. Had 75-degree temps and sunny weather during my walk along the ocean. So lucky to live where I live while I go through this transition. We will most likely be moving within the year because the cost of living is catching up to us. But I'm so grateful to be here right now, to heal, and work towards something greater.

Yet, I felt sad most of the day today. Had a lot of nightmares last night, my husband woke me because I was making horrible sounds and I was drenched in sweat. I'm working through a lot of emotions right now with my therapist, trying to get to the bottom of my head hunger and self-sabatoging behavior. She told me that part of this process would be the nightmares and vivid dreams. Great...

Does anyone else feel like time is standing still? This third week seem to be going at a crawling pace, which is making me feel like the weight is taking forever to come off. Patience is not my strong suit. The days and nights are blurring together, and I'm losing a sense of time. I have moments where I think, "It's been over three weeks! I'm past the hardest part!" and then later, "It's been only three weeks, when will I be normal again?!"

I also know myself. Three maybe four weeks is my maximum. It's about how long I enjoy a new job. How long I usually lasted on diets in the past. About the amount of time I tried out a hobby only to realize it wasn't for me. It's that critical place where I either stick with it, or start giving up. I can feel it inside me, the moment of truth is cresting. I don't know which way it will go, but I know where I want it to go: Upwards and onwards. I don't want to quit, don't want to get weak. I hope I stay strong and make it through this week. It's too important not to!