Lately I've been pondering quite a lot about the issues of loneliness, confidence, but also self worth.

I had a very "open" (to say the least) conversation with my dad last night and he really put things into perspective for me.

First and foremost if anyone is having emotional problems due to confidence, self worth, depression, or just plain loneliness we must fight these emotions from taking over.

I tried for too long to hold my feelings inside and deal internally but at some point I feel like I emotionally exploded. But this is exactly what I needed to get my life into perspective. I think I had confidence and self worth mixed up this whole time. You can put on make up, do your hair, wear some flattering clothes (Even at 260 lbs) and walking around head held high with tons of confidence..... but this in no way shape or form implies that you also have self worth. In order to find self worth we must look inside of ourselves. Its mostly at the deepest darkest hours, for me when I hit a point of absolute loneliness.

Going to school full time, working, and studying I barely have time for myself or anyone else for that matter, but in one instant when my week slowed down and I laid on my bed in looked around it hit me. Loneliness. It soon spiraled out of control where I felt like I was almost going into a depression. For what reason? Because I feel like I need someone?

Now I know that its not someone else that I need, no one will ever be able to fill that space of loneliness. That's a part of me that I need to heal. I've talked with my father, as well as a wiser woman that I look up to for advice. Things are not perfect for me now by any means, but I see them getting better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Whenever I feel those feelings of loneliness I fill my time with things that I like to do. Whether it be reading, writing poetry, cycling, or even studying. Those are the times that I can reflect, and once Im truly happy with myself, I know I could be happy with someone else.

So now I start to see how self worth fits into the bigger picture. People can tell me all day that Im pretty, Im smart, I dont need surgery. But its not about them, or their opinions. Its about what I think of myself, that negative voice in the back of my head that laughs or has a sarcastic remark for every compliment. Its a long journey but Im overcoming that obstacle. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. I will learn my self worth, and in the process I will find the true me.