No you are not alone at all, I hear you loud and clear, I have said this before and now I have to remind myself again that obesity is a complex disease and currently the world at large only treats it as a minor inconvenience or vanity. The only advice that can offer is that you allow yourself to feel the way that you do and to find someone that you can talk it over with. You have done something life changing and so all aspects of your life are changing now.

No, you are NOT crazy! I feel like I just read my life story. I am considerably larger that you were on your surgery day..heck....I am dreaming of the day that I weigh 261...I have always been the FAT child, the FAT teenager, the FAT adult. Kids in school would walk past me and sing that stupid 1-800-96-Jenny song from the Jenny Craig commercials. I have tried EVERY diet out there, pills, shots, drops, low calorie, no carb, Weight Watchers...I mean EVERYTHING. I would lose some...then gain it all back and then some. When I met my son's father, he was married, but he wanted me..I thought...wow..finally I have found someone that will love me even though I am HUGE. That didn't last long, I got pregnant, he cheated on me...we split up and I haven't been with anyone since. I focus my life on work and raising my son. I know that he loves me no matter what and doesn't care what I look like. He tells me Im pretty everyday. I am unfulfilled in my life though. I want to share my life with someone..I want to feel comfortable walking into a place with my friends and not have people staring at me and judging me. I take alot of my anger out on the world and those around me which then makes me feel like a crappy person...So yes I can relate...more than you will ever know.

You are far from crazy!

I noticed right away how different the world treated me. Amazing how much better the service is when you are not heavy. :-/ It took me a long time to realize I was no longer the fat girl in the room.

My life did not calm down for two years after surgery. I was in a constant state of personal (and physical) change.

I would suggest getting some counseling if you can afford it or your insurance covers it. The problems that drove us to eat are still there when we are thin. We just don't have food for comfort anymore.

I promise you will look back at this time fondly in a few years. You are already an incredible person for even doing this. Those who have not had to prep for this surgery, go through it, fast, deal with pain, etc just don't understand how it changes you and your life.

My surgeon told me that my hormones would not even begin to return to normal for a year to a year and half. He was right.

Best of luck and you look AWESOME!

I just felt like I read parts of MY life story as well! I was skinny as a child, but at puberty the weight just seemed to go up..and up...and up. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, and have often felt invisible. To combat this I developed the 'big girl' personality. Funny, sarcastic, witty, etc. Apparently I use it so well that my closest friends didn't even realize how much I hate this body that I'm trapped in. When I found out about the sleeve I almsot started crying from relief. I'm hopefully getting sleeved in April and I imagine my emotions will go through the same roller coaster ride as yours are. All I can say is that you're not crazy and you have a right to feel how you feel. Repressing those emotions would be bad in the long run, but maybe you can channel it into volunteering, running, a new hobby, etc. All of those things can make you feel better about yourself and help steady your emotions. If there are any support groups in your area for post-sleevers, then maybe you can try and go to those. If nothing else, you'll know that you're not alone in how you feel.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Wow,,,,Is all I can say right now. I truly feel your pain. Reading your blog hit me so close. When I graduated high school I had a fear of going to college for the fear I would not fit in the seat and be teased like I was all through school. That has been one of my biggest regrets. I had the surgery on 01/18/12 and it is one of the best things I could have done for myself.

People are mean and cruel, but we are grateful for this procedure. I wish you the best of luck...Just remember our Parents don't always have the best answers but we love them regardless. It sound like you need to speak with a counselor to help you with this journey.

Good Luck and enjoy the new you!!!

I'm fully expecting to feel exactly the same anger you do. We have been treated as "less than" so consistently and for so long. I'm glad we're talking about it. Thank you for writing this post!

Thank you for shairing your storie... Its like you were in my head and my hart!! Thank you! Nicole