So, I'm feeling a lot better than I did. The gas pain is barely there. It comes and goes, but it's not a constant thing like it was. My incisions are sort of hurting, but it's not unbearable. I've stopped taking my pain meds just because number one I don't really have THAT much pain anyways and number two becuz it was causing me to hallucinate at night. Just trying to get all that medication out of my body since I'm not use to being on any kind of pills or medicine. I came home Sunday and Monday was probably the worse for me so far just becuz I'm use to having my privacy and being alone and there I was in front of EVERYBODY in my house and them constantly on me saying "you should be drinking more water"..."you should be walking"..."you should be doing this and taking that." I was going crazy!! I hated the fact that I couldn't move around like I wanted and go out anywhere. I was really getting depressed and started saying how much I regretted getting the surgery done. But, people were telling me that's normal. My nurse even told me before I left that I would have those days where I'm going to regret it and wish I could take it back and feel miserable, but to keep pushing forward and remember it will get better. Them nurses were such lifesavers, I tell ya!! But, the next day I got out of that miserable mood and just tried to stay positive and in a better mood. I know I have a lot of help and people that care behind me. I've been sleeping in a recliner since I've gotten home becuz it hurts to much to sleep in a bed...I just can't sleep right. But, as of last night I really don't want to sleep in the recliner at all. It's starting to get uncomfortable and all I want to do is sleep on my side. I tried this morning to lay in a bed and go to my side with a pillow in front, between my legs, and behind me, but I was still hurting and uncomfortable =( I don't know what I'm going to do tonight. It was such a nice day out for the last 2 days, yesterday I walked out to the deck and sat outside to get some fresh air. And then my mom took me for a drive around town just to keep me sane lol It felt soooooo good. I can't even tell you. Just to have some fresh air flowing through ya and just to get out and a reminder that there is a life behind the four walls I've been stuck in lol Today it seems like I've been struggling with wanting FOOD...I'm sick of the broth, I'm sick of the apple juice, and popsicles. I'm afraid I forgot how to chew!! lol All I keep thinking is I want a slice of pizza, a hamburger, some chocolate. UGH!! But, I think all I really want is just some solid food!! A small salad or even small veggies or fruits. But, I know it's going to be awhile before I can eat anything like that. One secret...maybe it's not a secret, but it's definitely been helping me out A LOT lately...is people been telling me live in the moment. Don't worry about the future. Recognize your success now. Well of course that's great and all. I do live by that even before the surgery, but what helps me is thinking about the future. Thinking about when summer gets here. How I'm going to feel. Thinking about how I'll be able to fit on the rides at the amusement parks again. I'll be able to wear jean shorts and a tank top and not be ashamed. I'll be able to do things without troubles or getting tired. I'll be able to fit in places without having to worry whether I'll be able to fit in them or not. And then what really gets me happy =) is I start to look online at stores that I couldn't shop in before...at all the cute clothes and I kinda start shopping in a way. Put things on my wish list. It really gets me hyped up and more upbeat about the present time. If you don't have something to get ya going and your mood positive you will end up in a slump. Attitude is definitely EVERYTHING!! Tomorrow I go back to see my surgeon for the first time since I seen him in the hospital. I'm so excited just to get out! lol But, I'm also excited to see how much weight I have lost already. I know it's only been 5 days, but everybody is telling me that I look like I lost a good 15 pounds and I can definitely see it in my neck and shoulder area! That's another thing that keeps me going. When people or yourself can start seeing results...ahhh it's a great feeling!!! Let me tell you =) I'm sure he'll be taking off my bandages that are on the incisions and that part I'm not looking forward to just becuz I have a very week stomach. The other night I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I was standing in front of the mirror and looking at the bruising and where it was all taped up. I almost passed out. I had to hurry up and lye on the bed becuz I almost blacked out. Let me just say it happened to me during the spring last year. I had fallen and skinned my knee awful. I thought I had broken it when I went to stand and I ended up blanking out right then and there. I ended up needing to go to the hospital. So hopefully I can just turn my head and get it over with tomorrow. This whole experience has definitely made me stronger and I never realized how strong I was until I went through something like this. It's definitely life changing so you better be ready to go! I definitely am =)