I want to start off with thoughts of what lead me here, to this point!!

I have been considering weight loss surgery for some time now. I have family members and friends that have done various procedures over the years, and never thought it was just right for me, so I kept at it the "traditional way".

I have four kids, from 14-24 and have always bounced back and forth with my weight. I was a size 8 when I had my first child, and at my highest a size 20. I am currently a size 16, and miserable.

I go on the normal diest such as wiehgt watchers and jenny craig and slim fast, and so on and go back and forth between 10-30 pounds here and there. Being over 200 pounds is very depressing and it causes me to just give up most days.

I get motivated sometimes and head to the gym and walk the dog and eat better and try harder, but am easily distracted by my daily life needs. We travel a lot (mostly camping and work related), and it throws me out of whack. I get tired easily, so it's easy to want to rest and then the snacking starts. I do not sleep well at night and there comes in the night snacks. I am just always hungry.... so there comes in the over eating during dinner or lunch.

I am finally tired of it.... i need a drastic change...

the final straw for me was when my long time boyfriend was going to propose (yes I had figured it out) and we were away on a romantic weekend in yosemite and he was trying to motivate me to make it to the top of the mountain, under the water fall.... ummmm obvious... yes.... however I was so winded, and my heart was pounding and i just gave up and said "i can see it from here (half way), and I had to sit and rest and it ruined the mood. (he still proposed, but not until later that night when it was far less romantic and meaningful).

So we got married a few weeks later... but we got married in a civil ceremony, without telling any friends or family, with just us and the 4 kids, because I could not bare the thought of a wedding looking the way I do and feel. I talked my own self out of a wedding because of my weight!!!!!!!!!!!

So the deal is this.... I told myself I will lose this weight by any means neccesary and we will have a wedding fit for showing off how happy we really are in every other way of our lives.

My husband always says he loves me for me, all of me... which i know he does as he has NEVER given me a reason to feel fat, or ugly and we have sex at least once a day. (tmi I know... haha)... but with that said... of course he would feel better if I looked and feel better. that has to be natural. He is a fit, very good looking succesful man that has women throwing themselves at him all the time... so I want to look the way he makes me feel.

I am not doing this for anyone but me as the main motivation, but of course I am doing it for my children as well so that they can have me for a very long time and I can enjoy my future grand children and grow old in a healthy way with my amazing husband.

So that is where i am now... ready to take a major step to imrove the quality of my life!

I saw doctors, and picked one I felt amazingly comfortable with. My husband has gone to the appointments, evaluations, and the seminar with me. I know this is the right docrot for me. (that has to be more imporant then anything to start right)!

the downside is my insruance company does NOT pay for this type of surgery. I will be financing the $20k, yes, twenty thousand dollars,,,, it will take for me to do this! Is that a small fortune? YES! is it worth it?? YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow marks the first day of my pre-op requirements. I have an appointment with a nutritionist. Next a pysch eval, and an upper GI and endoscopy will follow.

I am readyyyyyyyy...............