Thanks to everyone who responded to my post yesterday. I am home, and there is still pain. I think it has something to do with one of the laparoscopic holes being stitched too - how would I best describe it? tight? It is drawn up and creates a pucker on the side of my tummy, and I FEEL the stitch pulling against the weight of my stomach. It is a sharp, constant tearing feeling that is very difficult to ignore. It almost prevents me from moving in certain directions.

I have pain meds and after some initial reluctance I did began to take them as often as I was told, and in the full dose, so that dulls it, but if I have to move much I still feel it. I have been walking a lot, and I can’t help but pull it then, so walking is much more of a chore than I thought it would be right now. I would have to say I am disappointed that my doctor did not look at my tummy more before he discharged me, I feel like he would have caught that. I plan to bring it up to him on Monday. He is going to have to resolve it somehow, I can’t walk around letting tissue heal in the wrong areas - as is it would be deforming.

Beyond that it all feels a bit surreal. I have just been focusing on fluids, and walking. I think I have had some head hunger but not too much. No tummy hunger that I can think of.

Sipping fluids as much as possible. Very tired, but I was tired before the surgery too. Not to embarrass the guys, but I started my period the day after my surgery, almost 10 days early. I never vary more than about 24 hours off of my calendar, so I was somewhat surprised. I know it has been a pretty intense period, but the meds have totally taken care of that.

My little sister flew in on the 3rd and we went and bought a juicer - and a Wii or Xbox or something that has interactive games - and followed it up with a TV (sneaky - she knows I don't allow game systems or more than one TV, but I have been talked into it). Normally I don't allow the systems or TV in my house but she made a good point - the games that keep you active can be very fun for groups of people, and it will be a way for my friends and I to keep entertained and active and away from the kitchen.

My sister has to be my biggest advocate, even if she doesn't quite understand how her sister decided to go through with it. She is me, but with a better metabolism, and bigger appetite. She knows the struggles I have had in my life, and we have talked a lot this weekend. I was surprised in some of the things she said. I will touch on it again later, maybe, but she feels very sure that my parents are largely responsible for much of my weight. I don't know if I agree with that - but I will have to look at it long and hard, because I have to resolve all issues, and all bad habits, and embrace the good, and develop better - so much to do! It feels overwhelming.

Friends have been so supportive, and caring, and it has made me so proud and thankful to have the people I have. I am also so happy to have found this forum, and to be able to follow my new found friends and do what I can to be supportive.

It feels surreal, in a way I feel like it hasn't kicked in mentally that I have had the surgery. Numb, indifferent, tingling and electric, excited and joyful, scared and uncertain, second guessing and reaffirming - so many emotions.

To anyone I have not followed up with that I have been talking to personally - please bear with me. This has been more than I anticipated, and I am having a kind of re-evaluation of who I am. The hard-ass that weathers everything seems to have almost disappeared. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be able to be flexible and "feel" my feelings. I want to listen to people more, and I want to be heard. I don't know - I am changing more than I thought I would. I think I want this so bad, that I am literally making myself remove my mask, to shed the parts of me that hid behind a wall of bulk. I want to be the person I think I can be, and oddly enough, it is more than just a smaller, healthier me. Phew! I can't even put it into words.

I guess that is all for now, and it is time to walk again!