After going to my psychiatric evaluation, having numerous tubes of blood drawn, EKG, chest x-ray, endoscopy and nutrition consult, I got a surgery date! I also got cold feet. Every possible complication ran through my mind. What if I had to have my stomach removed completely, what if I had a leak, what if what if what if.....So I decided I would give myself another shot at losing this weight. I called the dr and she put me on phentermine. I lost 8 pounds, gained 4 and got discouraged. I quit the phentermine and started Weight Watchers (again). Gained 10 more pounds.....What gives? I did some major soul searching and stalked every complication forum I could find. I got answers to all my 'what ifs' and after much prayer, I am back on track for surgery.

I called my surgeons office on Monday the 19th and was given an appointment for Friday the 23rd. I knew this was meant to be if I didn't have to wait until after the first of the year! I'm back on the liquid protein diet (to shrink my liver so it's not oozing all over while he operates) and have to lose 10-20 pounds by January 25th and I should hopefully get another surgery date. This one will be set in stone and ONLY changed or canceled by my doctor. I (re) broke the news to my family (Dad's not so happy, but he wants me to be happy and healthy). Everyone is standing behind me and now I just have to let my boss know.

I have realized that I am going to be able to eat anything(my sleeve lets me) I want to, just in smaller quantities. But I HAVE to adopt a healthier relationship with food. It is for my fuel only and it is only an added perk that it tastes good. I really hope that I'm not able to tolerate fatty and unhealthy foods.

Hopefully my next blog will include a surgery date (Valentine's Day-ish).