The smallest I have ever been in my adult life was 180. When I weighed 180-185 I had a wonderful green jacket that matched my eyes and looked really good on me.

I have dreamed about wearing that green jacket to our office Christmas party ever since I transferred to the department.

Once a year everyone in the southern half of the state gets together for an office Christmas party. There are about 70 people at the party- and this is the only time a year we see each other.

When I first moved to this work group I weighed 215. The last time they saw me I was 240. I gained up to 260- but that was the year I took the vacation day so I wouldn't have to go.

I have dreamed about being able to wear that green jacket to our Christmas party for 8 years. The party is next week. I am 10 pounds short. I am losing 1-2 pounds a week now. I know there is no way I will be able to make it.

It crushes me that for the first time in years I am soooo close. And to JUST MISS my goal.

I keep trying to cheer myself up by saying NEXT CHRISTMAS THAT SIZE 14 GREEN JACKET WILL BE TOO BIG.

But honestly, it isn't helping much. I am half tempted to go out and buy something new. I haven't bought anything new since before my surgery. I had so many old clothes I could lose back into.