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Coming out of the closet

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Maddy

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It isn’t easy coming out of the closet “so to speak”. When I decided to do the gastric sleeve the only two people who knew were my husband and daughter. It was the shame I felt to tell anyone else. The guilt I felt inside that I wasn’t able to take the weight off on my own. Recently, I ran into an old friend. Looking at me she said “Maddy you have lost so much weight how you did it?” I have to admit; I actually hesitated for a moment...and said nothing. Later, I thought to myself why did I hesitate to tell her? The only thing that came to mind was the simple word “fear”.

Why do we feel the need to hide our decision to have bariatric surgery? Is it because of low self esteem? The urgency of keep this big dark secret private or is it due to the way society sees fat people? We live with the constant advertising campaigns flashing thin stick models while we the “fat people” struggle to keep the scale from tipping. The dying “to be thin attitude”. The Taboo word “bariatric” does not fit into this world… until now. Today, we have the means to achieve weight goals we never had before. Folks like me who have battled the scale for years now have alternatives. So why hide this amazing news?

This week I did just that. I told my folks about my gastric sleeve. To my amazement they were supportive and very happy I took this journey. I cannot express to you how important it is to have family and friends to support you during your life changing weight loss. And it is indeed both mentally and physically a change. I now talk openly and candidly about my surgery. What amazing changes that has occurred over the last 5 months. Today, I am no longer on any medications to help me control my sugar, cholesterol or blood pressure. A MAJOR milestone in my life.

I blog and chat with other people who have gone through bariatric surgery. I did an online survey asking three questions… how many people have you told? Did you tell your friends? Have you told your family? To my amazement, 73% told less than 5 people, 76% did not tell their friends and more than 79% did not tell their family. Its sad that we feel the need to hide from this. Today, bariatric surgery is a useful necessity for those like me who just could not lose the weight. It’s time we stood up and made our voices heard that bariatric surgery is no longer a shameful procedure and see it as an amazing tool to good health.

 

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One of the things that make people hesitate in sharing is the lack of knowledge and understanding about the disease of obesity and food addiction...

For every 1 supportive person in our lives, there may be 1 sometimes 2 who feel that obese people are lazy and lack will power.. I don't know 1 person who would welcome ridicule and disdain from people that they love.. Sometimes it comes from a place of fear, but most times, it's plain ignorance!!

I've shared my decision w/ several people... One of my friends and one of my sisters are totally against it and I explained to them that I wasn't seeking agreement, approval or anything..I just wanted them to know what I was doing...

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Thank you for sharing your storie.. I have felt the same way for some time only telling very few people. but as the weeks grow closer to my date I feel my self wsnting to talk about this and tell people, but A part of me I guess is I am ashamed! I found as i told my friends and family I reciving more support than i ever thought i would!

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I decided early on that I would tell my closest family members and my best friends. They are all totally supportive. I don't feel any shame whatsoever over this decision. I hope to have the VSG procedure early next year after I finish my pre-op protocols.

I figure not only am I going to need their support as I get through this life changing surgery, but I want them to know that I am doing this to increase my longevity so that I can enjoy as many years as I can with them.

I suppose at some time I might need to defend my right to chose when I come upon someone who lets me have it....especially once I lose alot of weight and then it will be apparent to everyone who knows me that something radical has changed, but for those who love me and know me well, I think they will applaud a my little victories!

I do think I should develop a strategy for handling the not so nice comments if I need to...so I am open to suggestions!

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For me I had no problem telling my Parents and will probably tell the rest of my family after the fact.

But I'm completely and utterly mortified of people at my work place finding out. It's embarrassing to me.

And I think the reason is because it's admitting out loud that I'm FAT.

Before I would just pretend people ignored that about me, but actually saying to them "Hey I'm fat and can't lose weight on my own" that just makes me want to crawl under a desk and never come out.

Ironically I actually ended up telling my boss because 1) it made it easier to request that much time off and 2) I figured he would realize it eventually anyways.

It was difficult telling him but i did it via chat and that took some of the sting off.

I still don't want my other coworkers to know, but i figure after its done i'll probably end up casually mentioning it to them.

I'll still be embarrassed but i've told myself to just suck it up and move on.

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i dont tell anyone for a few reasons.... #1) i dont tell people my personal business. i wouldnt tell them if i was having a hysterectomy, or something like that so why would i tell them im having a sleevectomy?

#2) i dont feel like hearing the negative comments. even though some people may be supportive, i dont really want to take the chance of someone not being supportive. they are still there for the weight loss journey they just dont need to know the nitty gritty details.

i get plenty of support from my hubby and my daughter, i dont need anybody else. im glad that you are happy with your decision though.

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I'm kind of the odd one out, I guess. I was very open about it from the beginning with my family, friends, and coworkers. I didn't broadcast it, but I did mention it when it was appropriate. I received nothing but support and positive attitudes; this may be because I teach at a university and people are fairly open-minded, but I think it's also that folks realized that if I was taking this drastic step, it must be because I needed to do it, had thought it through, and was doing it for my health and longevity.

Different people are in different situations. I have a friend who had the sleeve, and she did not feel comfortable telling anyone other than her immediate family. There's no right or wrong in deciding who to tell; there's only what's right for you in your situation.

On the back side, I have been amazed and grateful for the hundreds of positive comments regarding the success of my surgery. My colleagues and students are so thoughtful and supportive; it's been a real kick to be complimented and teased (in a pleasant way!) about my weight loss--one of my colleagues now calls me "Slim," which makes me laugh out loud!!

I haven't heard any negative comments; if someone has them, they're keeping them to themselves, which is a good thing. :-)

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