Last night at support group we talked about how to handle eating on Thanksgiving. It was mostly for the benefit of the pre-ops who will be struggling with eating how they're supposed to for the pre-op meal plan and what to do when you run into the people who like to get in your business and make an issue out of why you're not cramming your face full like everyone else. Not that everyone stuffs themselves on the holidays, but that if there was a time that people were more likely to eat more than they normally would, I do believe the holidays would be it.

Thanksgiving is all set for me. It's Christmas that I'm worried about. And my oldest nephews birthday is right before Thanksgiving, but we've sorta got a plan for that, if there is a family dinner involved.

We usually go to my nephews favorite steakhouse for his birthday. So our plan is to split an entree and eat off the same plate. I'll get first pick of the meat since I'm picky and then we'll have a safe word so that my bf knows I'm done and the rest is his. Does that sound like a good idea? About half the family members who'll be there don't know I've had surgery.

Thanksgiving will be easy. We're doing it with my bfs family this year. They know I had surgery and they are all supportive. His mom is even modifying the menu just for me. I keep telling her not to since chances are I won't even eat the things she's modifying, but I know it's her way of showing she cares.

But Christmas is a whole other story. I'm not sure yet, but there's been talk that Christmas will be at my sister's new house. My sister and her husband don't know I've had surgery. Neither does my dad, grandma, or any other extended family. Just my mom, sister in law, brother, and oldest nephew know. AKA the non assholes of the family. I shouldn't phrase it that way, I have aunts and uncles and cousins who are awesome. But in other states so they don't count since I hardly ever see them anyway. I see them seldom enough that it's a feasible explication that I exercised myself skinny. Back to my point, I am not comfortable eating in front of my sister (or her husband for that matter), and I don't really want to eat in front of my dad either. Originally we we're thinking that we could eat with my bfs parents and then go to her house after. I could say that I'm still full and he could eat if he felt like it. At first this seemed like a fool proof plan. But then I got to thinking, I want to spend more than a couple hours with my family. Even if I don't care for half of them as much. I like playing board games and hanging out. I just really really really don't want to eat in front of them. In front of her. I don't know if we'll be sitting around a table like at my parents house or doing it buffet style and then sitting in front of the tv like how we do at my brothers house.

I have a lot of resentment toward my sister. I know she loves me and I love her, but there are things I can't get over. A little background: she's 9 years older, I'm 28. She's always been the good one. Always did what she was told, never talked back. She's never dyed her hair. She's very religious, very conservative. She's always been thin (I think a size 12 is her biggest, to me that IS thin, her average size (before baby) was 8). I am the exact opposite. I was the 'problem child.'

She has a way of making snide remarks about being fat. Her husband does it too. I remember when she first got pregnant she made a comment about how she hoped she wouldn't get fat. I wanted to tell her that I was going to have surgery, but I decided against it. As much as I would love to her her support, I know I won't get it. A comment she left on one of my FB posts is the perfect example of why I can't trust her with this. I posted a link to a 5k I want to do on Thanksgiving morning. (I'm undecided whether I will do it or not, I have a 5k on the 12th, I want to see how that goes first since I haven't been training for it.) She commented about how there's one on a different day that she and her husband were thinking about doing. And then she left another comment saying, "this way you feel less guilty when you do the inevitable...overeat" I don't know about you (the reader of this entry), but I'm pretty sure that was unnecessary. Hello, it's Thanksgiving! Most people are probably going to end up eating more than they normally would on this specific day. Whether she meant this maliciously or not, she still said it.

Another thing that bothered me, probably more than I'd like to admit since I'm writing about it. About a month out from surgery before I went back to work, me and my mom went to visit my nephew. Neither she or her husband noticed or rather, neither said anything about me looking different. I expected it because I had just gotten new glasses. I was planning on using that as my excuse if they said anything. I told my bfs mom this and she was shocked. I don't think I looked that much different from right before surgery up to that point, but I know I looked different from how I did earlier this year. I was at least 40lbs lighter from where I was on my birthday in April. Even my dad noticed. He told me that I looked good and shook my hand. That made my day! I think I mentioned it earlier, my dad doesn't know I had surgery. He thinks I took a month off work because of my back.

I think I'll stop here and do an update in another post.

Any thoughts or comments or advice is welcome.