Yesterday marked 6 weeks since my surgery and I have to say that I think I'm doing pretty well. I haven't had any follow up appointments w/ my Dr. yet. We are going to do that at my 12 week mark. Overall I feel energized. The only time I felt really drained was up to a week right after surgery and this past week when I came down with a cold. My biggest problem is just learning how to SLOW down my eating. I have started to really focus on this and I feel much better when the food goes down. I can eat little bites of anything and I still say away from breads and most carbs for now. I do plan on adding those back in at some point, but for now I don't want to overdo my sleeve. I can say that my situation right now is very normal and maybe even text book. Now hopefully my Dr. appointment doesn't come up w/ an issue (crossing finger).

So I was contemplating my life in the past 20 or so years in terms on my weight. I can remember going back as far as 3rd grade, i would look at the other girls' thighs when we sat Indian style (sorry "criss cross apple sauce") and thinking wow, my thighs are so much bigger. The women on my Dad's side of the family are all for the most part morbidly obese. To the point where they have very limited mobility. I grew up being terrified of turning out like that. So I always had my size at the forefront of my mind.

I remember in the 7th grade I weighed in at 145 lbs. Now I nkow that's a very awkward stage for everybody. But I would wake up early in the morning before school and work out to Denise Austin or that guy w/ the thick black curly hair w/ the accent. I know I was most out of wack then and it took a year or two for that to even out.

Highschool I think i was the most fit. I definitely didn't LOOK fat or obese, but I was a solid 175 lbs by the time i was a senior. Looking abck at all of my pictures, I surely didn't LOOK overweight. I just weighed a lot. I'm not sure why, but I guess i just had denser bones? Or maybe I really had more muscle than fat. I saw my prom picture and DAMN I looked good! So, why always the stigma of thinking I was too fat? The numbers on the scalse are misleading.

By the time I was out of college I was at 215. I was still bigger than a lot of women my age and hieight. But again I didn't look obese and when I had Dr. check ups, the nurses always comented how surprised they were that I weighed in as much as I did.

So, I finally decided not to worry about it, and in 8 years, I sky rocketed from 215 to 270. I looked at pictures and couldn't stand how fat I let myself become. Where was all that muscle? Am I really obese now? It came to realaity when the Dr's started telling me to lose weight and I have border line hypertension. I reverted back to that fear I had whne I was a little girl about not becoming like my female relatives on my Dad's side of the family.

I finally realized I had a problem on my hands and tried through diet and exercise turn it all around. Nothing worked. My self esteem plumeted and my depression increased. Now here I am now living with a decision i made to surgically alter my body in hopes of returning to a normal weight. 175. I'm going to look hotter in my wedding dress than I did in my prom gown.

Now I feel like I have a chance to back up and do all of the good things for my body I said I couldn't do because of my weight. I'm starting Yoga, Fitness boot camp, and am even going to take on my arch nemises....running. My body deserves for me to finally think highly of it and treat it with respect.

Sorry for the rambiling, but the thoughts were just swimming in my head and I had to get them out

Thanks for listening, fellow sleevers!