For a couple weeks after deciding that I wanted to get the sleeve, I couldn't control my eating. I ate so much! It was ridiculous! I think a lot of it was "last supper syndrome," and also doubt. In the back of my mind, I was hoping for an effortless quick fix. When I read more and learned that I would still have to put in hard work, I think that bothered me also.

I'm finally at peace with the fact that the surgery won't solve all of my problems without effort. I'm now ready and willing to do everything I have to, especially in the first 6 months, to ensure success. I'm also going to meet with a counselor to help me work through the problems that cause me to overeat. I'm not sure which route will be best-- a hypnotherapist or a traditional psychologist?

Now that I'm 2 weeks pre-op, I suddenly am a lot more focused, calm, and able to control my eating. Don't get me wrong. I didn't do it on my own. Yesterday, which was my first day of change, I literally had to pray every few hours just to keep my mind in check. When the "food addiction" thing takes over, no amount of pills or anything can stop me. Prayer is the only thing that works when I'm that out of control. And even then, it's a huge struggle. I can't say with 100% certainty that I'll make it through today without indulging in junk. In the past I've been so sure and then failed. But I will do the best that I can.

Last night I thought about my goals as far as weight loss, and I feel so much better now that my path has been set. Yesterday, I weighed in at 188 pounds. My first mini goal is to get to 145 pounds. That would but me at a BMI of 27.3-- still overweight, but I look good at that weight. Everything I lose after that will be like a bonus. My ultimate goal, however, is 125 pounds.