Yesterday I had 2 NSV's. First I was able to fit into this short sleeved jacket thing. I could fit it before a little, but it was too tight and I couldn't button it. And now I can. And it's super cute. =D. And then I tried on this super cute hoodie that my sister got for me like 3 or 4 Christmases ago. It didn't fit at the time so I never wore it but I was so insanely happy that she got it for me! And now I can fit it. I was so happy I cried. =''''D I had to calm myself down before I could leave for my moms.

I drove down to my mom's to go to this Indian thing at her church where they talked about their missions trip to India, sold things to raise money for their fund, and served dinner. We bought a few things, listened to the presentation and then ate. I'm on state 3 now, so I was bad and ate solids. I had a little curry (I think) chicken, tandoori chicken, and a bite of potatoe. It was tasty. I tried a small bite of their dessert balls and had to spit out out. It was way too sweet. We brought a tupper with us and took the rest of mine and a second plate home for my boyfriend.

Today we went to a flea market about 2 hours away from my moms (1 hour from me). We didn't get anything, but they did have fake MAC, which I found amusing. And was kinda shocked at appalled when I announced it was fake and a lady still bought some. smh.

Then we went to my sisters so I could cut her hair and we could visit my nephew (he's almost 3mo). During the cut she told us about this guy she saw at the park who was running or jogging who had man boobs. Wait, no. They weren't man boobs, they were full on breasts. He needed a bra. It was "SOOOOOOO GROSS!!!" According to her. She did not say what build the guy had. I told her that some guys have gynecomastia and can't help having boobs b/c it's a natural disorder. Her response: "ew that's gross." Yeah, it's so gross that some people are born with disorders that they have no control over. Yeah, ew. Who cares if they have feelings, lets all talk **** about them. And that is why I can't tell her that I had surgery. It also brought home how oblivious my mom is to her fat bashing. She was laughing at my sisters story. I didn't think it was funny. Of course me being the one always made fun of for their weight by a lot of people, my own family included, thought, how would this guy feel if he knew people were saying this about him? He's out there running or whatever, getting or at least trying to get in shape. Good for him. Not, ew gross. What if he lost a bunch of weight and now has saggy skin that looks like man titties? Either way there is no reason to recall this moment later with a group of people. Were is moobs so gross you couldn't stop thinking about them? Seriously. I think a lot of mean things in my head (and don't you dare deny it, we all do this! I never said I was proud of it) and some times I feel bad about it, but I don't go, "omg I saw this person today and they looked like this, ew" later when with friends.

I think it was right after surgery when everyone was visiting me and my mom mentioned my sister and I think it was my boyfriend who said how she's always fat bashing and my mom was like, "she doesn't do that" and my sister in law was in the background nodding her head vigorously like, 'oh yes she does' and I think my bf said just that. I can't remember if I said anything at all. I was so out of it.

Continuing along. So my bf and I got new phones on Friday, They're so awesome. So I was taking pictures of my nephew with my phone. He is just so cute! Then my sisters husband asks/tells me not to post any pics of him on Facebook. I'm like, ok. I didn't think much of it. Then he said something like, you can send pics to us to see. This gave me the impression that I needed approval before posting any pics. They he added, and we can post them if we choose. I was just like, ok. But this really pisses me off and makes me really really sad. First why I'm pissed off. It's so minor but it's still important to me. So the way I feel is that if I took it I should be the one who posts it. It's mine. It's my creative shot, angle, whatever. I should get credit for it, it's mine, I took it. Like I said, minor, but still. Then I was sad for varying reasons. He's my nephew. I'm a proud aunt. I was to brag about how cute my nephew is just like everyone else does and be able to say, look how cute he is. I have everything set to friends only, btw. It makes me sad b/c now I can't post a picture of us together, like me holding him. It makes me sad because I just want to be like everyone else. And then I start thinking, did I do something wrong? Is that why they don't want me to post anything? I understand the security issue. But it's not like I'm posting where they live or even allowing people I don't know to see them. Or plastering her boobs all over FB. It was after I texted a couple pictures to my bf who wanted to see them (he even asked me, "is it weird if I want to visit them to see nephew and not them?" He hasn't seen him in person yet) that my BIL said to not post pics. I posted pictures from the day he was born. I thought if there were any pics up that they didn't want up they'd tell me and I'd take them down. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I keep wondering if I should take them down or leave them. I cried a lot about this. Then I texted with my bf and helped calm me down.

Around my family I always end up feeling bad about myself. Like I've done something wrong. I wish so hard that I had someone I could call and talk to who I didn't feel like I was being a burden or inconvenience on.

No one offered to let me hold the baby. I feel weird about asking.

Neither of them noticed I had gotten new (different) glasses or that I'm smaller. (Like 50lbs since March, total like 62ish lbs.) I even had a whole comeback ready. Like if they said something about me looking different, I could reply with "new glasses" and completely dodge the weight issue. It was kinda nice not to have my weight mentioned.

When I first came down yesterday my mom gave me my bfs birthday card to give to him and told me she got anniversary cards for my sister and brother who both have anniversarys coming up. I told her that my anniversary is coming up. She had this look and tone in her voice like, what anniversary? Like it didn't count as an anniversary. Not that it didn't count for anything but like calling it an anniversary was different or something. It'll be 8 years next month. I am so sick of people making me feel like **** because I'm not married. If you want me to get married so bad then pay for it! Because I certainly don't have the money.

I could go on forever about this issue specifically. But I need to go to bed.

So I will leave you with this:

At least I can fit into this computer chair now.