I lost 4 more pounds this week. This brings me to a grand total of41 pounds since the start of the year....and 26 pounds since surgery. I weighed in at 219 this morning. It has been years since I saw this weight. It is a very weird feeling to go from being so excited that I can fit back into my size 17 jeans to having them literally fall off of me the next week.

I am having clothing issues. Dont get me wrong, I have enough clothes that I have grown out of to last me all the way down to 180- which I can't imagine seeing. Mentally I am still size 20 pants and 3x tops. I have a hard time remembering that I am a bit smaller now. I wore a 2x tshirt a long thin black coat and my size 17 jeans to go and work in the field on Friday.

I could pull the jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. Walking along the pole line my pants started to fall off and I stepped in hole. I went down like a bag of dirt. It was like I was surrounded by a blanket net of giant clothes. I landed face down in the dirt spread eagle like I was trying to make a backwards dirt angel.

I still struggle to eat. This is starting week 6 for me. According to my book I should be eating 4-6oz of food. They want me taking in 3oz of protein and then 2-3 oz of a soft fruit or veggie. I can not manage it. On a really good day- I can handle the 3oz of protein.

I get about 500 calories a day. I get 60 or more grams of protein consistantly. And I shoot for 64oz of water- but usually only manage 45-50 oz.

I feel a little weak. I am still struggling with depression. I have dreams about candy but haven't eaten any during my waking hours. My 1month 1 week appointment is on Friday. I hope that I have done well.