the pain saga continues....
I am still in terrible pain with what they are calling arthritus in my hip. I am unable to sleep without taking pain pills, vicodin to be exact and the Dr's are so afraid of getting in trouble for perscribing htem that they don't want to write a prescription for me. I don't know what to do about this though! I just took the last one which I have been metering them out and trying very hard to make them last at least so that I have something available to take some of the edge off this pain so I can fall asleep for awhile at night. The pain doesn't seem so bad in the morning and in the early afternoon, but as the day gets later I get more and more miserable...and mean. Chronic pain makes a person mean and crazy I think. I am not this person! Ifeel so helpless and the Dr's just say Oh we'll see how you are in a couple of weeks and then I have to discreetly beg for medicine and they finally relent and five me a perscription for like 12 or something. 12 will last me 4 days, I know I sound like a crack whore but I am not! I do not like to have to take these but I also have to sleep and I have to go to work and I have to function! There is no position that I have found that gives me any reief...none so there is nothing that I can even do. Sometimes I am afraid because I get so crazy with pain that I will get up at 1,2 3,4,5 in the morning and just wander the house looking for anything, something that might help. I take ibuprofen by the gross, drink some vodka, take a couple of otc sleeping pills, drink Nyquil, anything to help me fall asleep and not feel pain for a couple of hours. I was watching HOUSE MD the other night and I thought..."really what the hell does a person do when they are in chronic pain like that???" I mean I completely love and empathise with his character! I cry in bed every night that I don't have any pain meds, I don't cry myself to sleep, I just lay there and cry. I do sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night just out of exhaustion but otherwise I pace the house and cry. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated and I don't know what to do.
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