I realised last night how easy it is to "slip" back into old patterns, habits, etc. I have been dreaming, fantasizing if you will, about homemade Mac and Cheese. One of the things I did pre-op was to cook, LOTS. I love to cook and bake. Well, a few months ago my roommate came up with the idea of purchasing a freezer and a food saver vac (one of those systems that allows you to vacuum pack your food and freeze it in a microwavable bag. I did this a lot. Would make large casseroles for our meals, and after we ate, would freeze the left overs in individual portions for us to eat when I didn't feel like cooking, or to take to work for our meal there.

I love homemade Mac and Cheese, and I have been dreaming about it. So last night, before I even knew what happened, I snagged a portion of it out of the freezer, nuked it and sat down to eat. Now I wouldn't worry if I had gotten in all my protein, but yesterday was a lousy day as far as eating my protein. The best thing I can say is that I didn't overeat. I stopped when I felt full, and was only miserable for about 20 minutes. And I have to say, IT TASTED GREAT!!!!! I just know that I can't go around doing things like that on a daily basis anymore.

Anyone out there have any ideas on how to deal with these cravings when they become overwhelming? I am trying so hard to get all my water and all my protein in, and when something like this happens, it sort of throws me for a huge loop. It is almost easier when I am working, as I pack my lunch to take with me, and all I have then is good choices! But when I have four or five days off, like now, the whole kitchen is there, with so many tempting choices, a lot of which are bad for me. Whoever said that WLS is the "easy out" has NEVER struggled with trying to make good choices after a lifetime of bad eating choices!

I know that what I did isn't fatal, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it for too long. But I am still trying to figure out my relationship with food, and learn why I made so many bad choice for so many years, when I KNOW what is good for me. ( I mean, I'm a nurse. I had to take nutrition in school. I know WHAT the good choices are, I just don't make them that often!) It would be SO much simpler if I could just stop eating entirely, like smoking, just go cold turkey and QUIT! Too bad they don't make a the equivilent of a nicotene patch for food-o-holics!

Well, it's time, have to get the old swim suit on and go swim my laps. Yesterday I was up to 24 laps, today want to do at least 26 or 28. Trying to "establish" the habit of exercising, something else that I haven't always made smart choices about in years past. But this whole new path I am walking demands that I TRY to make smart choices about food, exercise, etc.

Happy weekend to all my fellow VGSers. Hope you are having a great weekend. All of you think of me tomorrow, I go to the dentist for a 3 HOUR appointment! Am dreading it BIG TIME. (Did I mention that I have made poor choices in the past about dental care also?)