SO, Ok, I have not posted a new food journal in exactly 2 weeks, since my downfall I have gorged and snaked my way into oblivion, so I won't have to write out every calorie or meal I will just list some things that I ate over the past 2 weeks:

Fried fish and tatar sauce from Luby's

brownies

cookies

popcorn with butter

reese's peanut butter cups

peanut butter fudge bars from Mrs. Field's

Peanut M&M's

Peanut M&M's

Fried Chicken sandwiches

Chicken Nachos

Chips and Hot sauce

Taquitos with sour cream

sopapillas

Chicken Fried steak

Fried Onion blossum

lasagne

peanut butter pie

more Peanut M&M's

chocolate cake with ice cream

just to name a few. I feel better writing it all down and I decided after my tall caramel frappachino I had for breakfast: TODAY IS THE DAY. I know it is Friday, which is the day I am usually starting to be lax on my food through the weekend, but I need to force myself to start today instead of saying, MONDAY, I will start Monday. Then Monday gets here and it's just another fat eating day. Well, I drank half my frap and threw the rest away sickened by my actions over the past two weeks. I am always sickened AFTER my stomach is full and I am satiated. Why can't I be sickend before I go in a trance? Like last night sitting in front of the TV with my Luby's take out and take an hour to eat Fried Fish with tons of tartar sauce, mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing with gravy, a roll with butter and sweet tea to push it down. Of course I couldn't eat all of the portions but it was bad enough that I sat there an hour eating to get that damn fish down. From 8-9 pm after I got off work, stuffed myself while my band was open and as I got stuck after 5 bites had my husband get me the sweet tea it would take to slowly push it all down so I could shovel more in. God I am disgusting.

I am worried because I am one of those people that can make myself throw up if I don't like the taste or smell of something. Like anything that would remotely be good for me. Any veggies and fruit I can't handle the consistancy of the food and I gag on it. Like green beans or oranges. ANY vegetable that is not salad covered in ranch dressing. But not fast food salad except for taco salad because it tastes really dry and is hard to chew for me. I am so freakin weird, but I have been this way since I was at least 2 years old. My mother told me that she would cook these fabulous meals and I would cry and barf if it was any veggie or non fried food. My father would drive and get me Churches chicken legs and corn on the cob!! At 2 years old. Now bear in mind my father and mother divorced when I was 2 and this was my "step-mother" who raised me whom I love dearly. So he was just feeding me to make me happy through the changes in my life. 2 years old it started for me. How do you break something 25 years in the making. My bio-mother who was 98 pounds when she got pregnant with me has eaten junk food her whole life and stayed thin on her 5 foot frame. It is just now catching up to her in her 50's the cupcakes and DP for breakfast and the popcorn for dinner. I'm sure the sugar thing runs genetically, I just got fat from it and she didn't until later in life. BUT TODAY IS THE DAY!!

I have a plan. I am writing down everything I eat including calories, fat, carbs and proteins! Everything! I am exercising every day, Every Day!! I will not give up the entire day because I had a frap for breakfast.

Frap: 210 calories, 2.5 fat grams, 43! Carbs, 4 grams of protein

I have planned for my lunch to eat a chicken salad cup from chick fil a and I will do this!! I WILL DO THIS!!! TODAY IS THE DAY!!!

Luckily even though I have pigged out for 2 weeks straight, I have not gained any!! Thank god to this band o mine! I love my band and need to start working with it! TODAY IS THE DAY!!:mad:

Just want to say that half of the battle is being able to admit to ourselves the truth. Granted you haven't been eating ideally, but hey, you are human, right? .

YOu are not alone in your weakness. I too slipped a little today. I ate 1/2 a Mr. Goodbar. I was so thankful that I voluntarily stopped 1/2 and not my standard 2 bars at a time.

That is so my favorite!!, I could never eat jsut half.!! THat is not bad at all!