Girl, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I do have a question...how was your relationship before you were sleeved? Did he simply change over night or had he been like this for a while and you're just noticing?

I'm a firm believer in marriage and think it's forever but sometimes it just doesn't work out and it's better to be alone and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. Life is too short to be wasted on crap like that. With that said, I would evaluate your relationship and see if you can't work things out first.

You know, my husband never went to any of my appts, only saw me once in the hospital, and never really understood what I was going through. He still doesn't, but thats my fault for not including him in my journey. Hes very good to me but he sometimes doesn't understand when I'm not feeling well. And again, thats my fault for not explaining things to him.

I truly hope things get better for you. How long have you been married? How many children do you have?

I think I will comment from two different perspectives...if I may. <BR><BR>First from the man perspective. Maybe he is scared...maybe he's worried that once you lose the weight, you won't want to be with him any more. or you start getting more attention from other guys and start looking at the greener pasture...so to speak. I would think that he would do well with some reassurance from you that even after you lose weight, even after you start getting the added attention from others, that you still love him and that will not change. <BR><BR>Ok perspective 2. I'll call this the Man perspective #2 or the child perspective (since there is not a whole lot of difference sometimes). Have you ever had a child act out because they are wanting attention? and any attention, even bad attention is better than no attention in their eyes. Maybe, in his eyes, you have been spending so much time and attention leading up to this surgery that he is feeling left out. Maybe a night out, just the two of you, once a week would help him appreciate the time you spend together more.<BR><BR>Anyway, just a couple of thoughts from a guy who has no idea what you or your husband are going through. Take them for what they are worth. Just remember, they were free.<IMG class=bbc_emoticon alt= src="http://cdn.verticalsleevetalk.com/public/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif">

Hey Stac and CCBC,

after waiting an hour for him to come to bed last night, I went out to get some water (I already had a full glass.. LOL). When I passed him I said, you not coming to bed? He said oh yeah, just gaming. He quickly shut it off and came right to bed. He was all lovey dovey. IDK maybe he is bi-polar. I was happy he seemed ok. He was really fussing earlier over nothing. Today he is back to himself but I still have to wonder... what the heck is going on with him. I have taken both comments to heart and I will try to be more understanding as well as show more attention. I will see if that works.

I just hope that people know losing weight isn't going to make your spouse love you more. If the love is gone, nothing is going to help unless both parties make an effort. I just read The Emotional First Aid Kit for bariatric patients which touches on the whole post op weight loss jealousy. A spouse may be very worried (like CCBC said) about your getting all sexy and leaving them.

I have been married 5 yrs and have 2 kids. There is nothing more important to me than family, but emotional abuse is NOT acceptable - no matter what is going on around you. If he does this again, we will need to have a heart to heart.

Hi, day dreamer remember you did this for your self and to be around to see some grand kids right ? l was married to some like your husband but add some booze it lasted 24 yrs till he died then l began a real lifes journey it is called living without verbal abuse dont wait a lifetime to try it god bless

One day at a time... that's all I can do. And when he starts his fussing, I just kill him with kindness. Dr Phil said, one person has to stand up and say I will make enough changes for the both of us. When the changes no longer help then.. well then it is time to rethink the relationship. So my change, not fussing back at him. I will just be me...

I wish you nothing but sunshine and rainbows in your relationship--honestly. I know how wonderful it is to have a reassuring hug and/or a passionate kiss.

I lost all of that when my SO of 5 1/2 yrs called me in the hospital the morning after my surgery and told me that I was no longer had a home with him. I was not to return. He is clinically depressed and told me that my having elective surgery while he is ill is extremely selfish. He said that I did not love him if I was able to do such a thing.

So, here I am recovering at a friend's house, but feeling completely alone in the world. My children are grown and live away. I am completely lost and without a purpose.

So, you see? Your life could be worse...

Valentina

I see this post was earlier last year...but I am 11 days post op WLS and I will say...my husband did not go to any apts with me, nor did he go to the surgery with me...my sister attended the surgery and stood vigal by my side...love her! I flew home and he was there to pick me up...I had to ask him if he could carry my 47 lb bag.... He gave me a superficial kiss and when I jokinly said so did ya miss me after 11 days....he laughed and said "nope"...did just fine.

I have been married 20+ yrs now, 5 children later....I am thnking (ccbc) is way right on track...these men take their "fat ole' ladies" for their maid, mother, and care giver. I had meals pre-prepared for him and the kids prior to surgery...all he had to do was preheat the oven....I had laundry done folded, ironing done etc... of course he didn't miss me, why would he...I did all my chores 11 days pre-opt...

However I do have a very wise girlfriend who told me recently....Do not make any life altering changes just after surgery....He may be scare, insecure, and just waiting for his life to come tumbling down like the Roman Empire....what he is unsure of...we ladies just wonder...I married my husband 20+ years ago weighing in at 130 lbs....does he think I love him more since I am 354 lbs? NOT and especially when he acts like he is 3 yrs old.

I drove myself home home 130 miles after long plane ride while he was in the passenger seat sawing logs..

Weight and see is a big game!

Jan