Ok. So I am really starting to think that I'm actually going to get the sleeve gastrectomy so I thought I would start my blog early. This will be a reminder to me after I lose the weight of why I never want to gain it back again.

I hate my self image. I have a daughter that is turning two in a couple of months, and I have only a handful of pictures with her because I can't stand the way that I look. I am embarassed to go anywhere in public. I have barely any friends left because I'm too ashamed of how I look to see them again. I never shop for clothes because I can't stand the clothes that come in my size, so I wear sweats and anything baggy that I can find. My blood pressure is high. My knees hurt all the time. My back hurts all the time. I get winded doing almost anything. I can't keep up with my daughter. I'd love to play with her more often and be able to run after her. I snore terribly and I think I have sleep apnea.

I'm sure I can think of a million more reasons why I want this, but for right now, I'll move on.

I'm 34 years old, married, mother of one. I was skinny my whole life until I turned 28, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated for it. Since I started the medications, the weight started to pile on. Year after year I grew bigger and bigger. Dieting, exercising, etc. did nothing for me, or if it did, it wouldn't last and I gained the weight back and more.

Common story, I know. I am ashamed to say it, but I am 5'7" and weigh about 236 lbs, which is a BMI of about 37.

For the last few weeks, I've been doing a ton of research, reading forums, etc. on WLS. I initially thought that the lap band was the surgery I wanted, but now I'm sold on the sleeve. I spoke with my PCP about the idea of getting it done and he's all for it. The only problem, and it's a huge problem, is that I currently have no insurance. My husband should be getting insurance through his work, but not until June. Ugh. So I've decided that until June comes, I'm going to try to prepare myself as much as possible, and hopefully once he gets insurance, maybe they will approve the surgery and things will hopefully go quickly.

I am going to my first seminar next Tuesday night. I can't wait. I'm really feeling like a sponge now and trying to soak up all the information I can about this. That's going to be at one hospital, that is well known and established as a great hospital. Then there's another seminar, on March 1st, for another not so well-known hospital that's closer to me. I figured I would meet both surgeons, etc and decide from there which way I would go. Of course, I guess my insurance company will have some say as well.

I guess I did enough jibber-jabbering for now. Will write again soon.