As I wait for my surgery, I find myself with a mixture of emotions. When I think about how much better my life will be once all this weight is off me I feel almost giddy. I know it isn't the only answer, but it is the first step to a new and improved me.

I find myself thinking about all the things I will be able to do again, walk the dogs, ride my bike, go dancing, go hiking, just live a more active life. I have been so seditary for so long that I am welcoming going out and living life instead of just surviving it.

Then I imagine all the new clothes I will be able to fit into. I am so tired of dressing like a circus tent. I want to wear cute sexy clothes. Instead, I wear clothes right now that hide how I look, I want to look young and beautiful and sexy.

I also am savoring the anticipation by trying to earn being able to have this surgery. I am working hard to lose weight prior to the surgery. I am trying to train my eating habits so that I am able to maintain when I hit my goal weight. I want to be worthy to God for bringing this great opportunity my way by not letting him down by failing.

I am slightly nervous about my life after surgery. I am not nervous about surgery, but how I will adjust to my new life. I have lied like this for so long, I am unsure if I will be able to accept that I am no longer fat. It is sort of like if you have been poor all your life and suddenly win the lottery. Will you still feel poor inside or will you be able to adjust to not ever having to worry abount money again. I am worried I will always think of myself as the "fat chick".

I am pleased with myself because I have lost a total of 24 pounds since November 30 and I hope to lose another 24 to 25 pounds prior to my surgery because if I can, I hope it will make reaching my goal that much easier. I start belly dancing class tomorrow and hopefully that will help my continual losing weight along with what I am already doing.

I have my pysch evaluation on March 2, and hopefully, I will get my surgery date soon after that. I am so ready for the "NEW" me to begin.

Look out world, because here I come.

S