I took a week and a half off from work to have surgery and recuperate. Tomorrow is my first day back to work. Part of me is excited (it gets a little boring at times to be at home) and part is dreading it (my energy level today is OK, but this morning by the time I was done showering, dressing, and making the bed I was ready to rest a while! Tomorrow, no such luck. I might try to get up earlier just in case I need to rest a while before going to work, so I won't be late getting in. I promise myself if I really can't do a full day of work I will take part of the day off until I am ready for a full day. But I will enjoy seeing people at work again, and getting back into the groove.

I had my first walk yesterday ... just up to the local park and back, probably just shy of a mile. It was a little too much ... I really noticed my abdominal muscles and my incisions once I got home. But it did feel good to move a bit. Today I will take another walk, but just half as long as yesterday.

I have to say that is one characteristic I really notice in myself. I tend to try to overdo things when I ought to be content to under-do (or more accurately, do the appropriate amount). Could've taken 2 weeks off, but no, I wanted to be macho and get back to work earlier .... I could've walked 10 minutes, but no, I had to go 20 minutes right out the gate. Dumb. It is really something I need to work on. Better to under-commit and deliver easily than overcommit and feel like crap getting it done .... I always find a way to get it done, but usually it costs me ... sigh. I wonder if this is because I have low self esteem and have to overcommit to people to "prove" to them that I am worthy. Enough truth in that observation to sting, for sure. It's something to think about. I know my weight issues are not stand-alone, they are part of a complex web of emotions and self-talk and self-perception. While I am on my weight loss journey I also want/need to be on an honest self-exploration journey too. I don't want to end up at my weight loss goal only to find myself overweight again a few years later, and that will happen if I don't deal with my emotional/mental issues as well as dealing with what I put in my mouth and how I move my body.

Well, on more cheerful news, the scale told me this morning I am down to 211. I am so happy about that! I had surgery 11 days ago and have lost 13.5 lbs. -- a little more than 1 lb. lost a day. I don't think this is sustainable for long but for now it feels really good. When I look in the mirror I don't see much change, but because I am so big it will take a while to see change.

I can't wait to get to ONEderland and hope/expect that will be sometime in February (if it happens in January, I will be over the moon with joy -- but with only 2 weeks left in January I would have to keep losing nearly 1 lb. a day in order to hit that, and I don't want my hopes dashed if I have a stall, which is very common around the 2nd or 3rd week after surgery). So my mini-goal is ONEderland by Valentine's Day. I am sure I can meet this goal!