:focus: I said in my first entry I would post about my second marriage and how some of the things that we went through contributed to my depression and my weight gain. So here I go.

As I said in my first entry, I met my husband via the internet. We met in a social chat room. A friend of mine wanted to have penpals to write her via snail mail and I put an advertisement (for lack of a better word) on this social chat room for her. This was way back before everyone had a computer (or 3) in their homes. My husband is one of the people who responded to my advert, and I put him in touch with my friend. While he was writing her, I also wrote to him wanting to have a penpal. So, when my friend received letters from him, she allowed me to read them and started to really like him. We became friends. And as I said before, it grew from there. We set our first meeting for March 1995. He was flying to Oklahoma to meet me in person. He stayed at my apartment with me and my daughter. We had a fantastic time although we both became sick towards the end. We then set a new date for a meeting in May 1995 where I was flying up to visit him in Canada. It was a big deal for me as I had never been on an airplane before and never been out of the USA before. I flew into Seattle and he drove down from Vancouver to pick me up. We had a nice drive back to Vancouver and we stayed the night with his parents. We continued our visit and I left to come home. We talked and wrote and missed each other for another 7 months before we saw each other again. He flew back to Oklahoma to spend Christmas with me and my family. My birthdate is on New Years eve and that is when he proposed to me. On my birthday 4 seconds to midnight. I was so sad when he had to go back home. But we made arrangements for me to then drive up to Canada in April 1996 and begin our lives together and that is what we did. On Sept 7, 1996 we were married and then the fun began.

My daughter was then 10 years old. At first she liked my husband. They got along quite well, and did things together. Then the hormones hit. And well, lets just say things went down hill quickly. We were dealing with many challenges, here is a list of the things we had to contend with in the first 7 years of marriage:

1. becoming a resident in Canada - cost $3000

2. husband father dying

3. daughter acting out as a teenage, drinking, staying out all night, and getting pregnant at the age of 13 then hiding an abortion from me (which is legal in Canada).

4. husband learning he had a brain tumor and needed surgery

5. my mother dying

6. me learning I had Endometrial cancer and needed surgery

7. daughter moving out of the house at age 16 (legal in Canada)

We had quite a time in those 7 years. And most people, it would have pulled them apart and broke their marriage. Luckily, my husband and I were brought closer. We have been able to develop a great communication between us and can talk out anything.

But as you can see, I went through quite a lot of emotional ups and downs, and when you are already depressed, it causes you to go deeper into it. I went to visit my family doctor one day and I could not tell you why I was there. Before she could ask me anything I burst into tears, told her I wished I was dead because I just could not take all this stress and unhappiness. She recognized what I was going through, chemical depression, and immediately placed me on anti-depressants. I was on them for 18 months while my brain chemicals realigned themselves. Although I was no longer technically depressed I was still eating to help hide the pain. And I gained up to 302. That is when things started to scare me.

That is when I began looking at options. I began going to therapy, I began looking at WLS, I began taking seminars for WLS, and l learned that I can do it. I have the support of my husband and my God. I know I can do it.

Well, that is my story. From now on I am going to write only about what is going on with my WL journey and the feelings, apprehensions, joys, highs and low I experience.

S