I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I was an obese child. When I was in the 9^th grade I lost weight. I lost down to 162. I was 3 inches shorter then.

I struggled with my weight all through my teen years. By the time I hit 22 I weighed 300 pounds. Then something amazing happened. I developed gallstones. Having gallstones limited what I could eat. If the food was too spicy or too fatty- or even too much I would get sick. I started losing weight because I had a physical restraint in place that helped me lose.

I lost down to 180. At 5’4” that was not small – but I was healthy. My blood pressure was 110/70 and I ran- for fun…nothing was chasing me. I kept the weight off until I was about 26 then I had to have my gallbladder removed- and slowly I have been gaining it all back.

I am 36. I am 255 pounds. I have high blood pressure. I am on two different types of medication trying to control it. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t. I am borderline diabetic. I am right at the edge of needing cholesterol medication. My joints hurt. It is painful to walk up steps. I get winded walking the shortest distances. I feel bad and tired all the time.

I need help.

I have been considering vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery for a very long time. My insurance actually covers it. On Jan 25^th I attend a seminar. The surgeon requires that everyone he operates on starts their journey by attending the free seminar. I guess it is so we will know what we are getting into.

I am scared. I believe this is the right choice for me. I haven’t discussed it with my boyfriend yet. I have promised myself I would talk to him about it on Tuesday. It will be a week before the seminar and we will have a good deal of alone time on that day.

I am worried about how he will react. I wish I could see into the future. I wish I could see myself 6 months from now…a year from now.