I had a doctor's appt on October 18. According to their scales, I managed to lose about 16 pounds since my last appt on Sept.13. I should be ecstatic to see that I am losing weight but I'm not. I can only say that I think my expectations are too high or that my body just isn't willing to part with the fat. Or maybe I'm just not doing something right. I have noticed a trend with me and that's that I've taken to being a complainer and a worry wort. I seem to never be satisfied with myself and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I'm pushing myself. I've been going to the gym almost everyday and I work out for an hour and a half each time (includes strength training). I wake up so early to be able to go the gym that by the end of the day, I'm more than drained and exhausted. I'm starting to get bags under my eyes and can barely go up a flight of stairs. And I can't let up because I'm so afraid I'll give up and I have never felt as motivated as I do now. I'm trying to find my way in being able to adjust my schedule so I can get things done and be able to rest and relax. but it seems to me that this schedule is the one that works for me even though it is exhausting.

On the plus side, I've noticed that my body isn't looking so bulky. My "boobies" have started to slowly disappear and I'm finding that my bra isn't fitting right anymore. My sister even had the gall to stuff her hand in my bra through my shirt because she felt the need to show me just how much of a gap I had. Apparently, my bra sticks out to the point that she can see the lining through my shirt. Grreeeaattt*t!.... And my huge dome of an ass went from a fat filled, pork rind, jelly stuffed, behemoth to an almost flabby, gelatin like distorted picture (think Picasso's portrait of all the distorted clocks that look like as if they're melting). It's gotten to the point that my ass will actually start hurtin if I sit down too long (as is the case now since I'm sitting wrtiing this entry). *sigh* No more cushion for the pushin, I guess. Ah well, my boyfriend's gonna have to worry about that more than me.

The one place I don't seem to be getting any kind of good feedback are my arms. Lawd, they are looking so nasty. I've taken to calling them my batwings because while they have gotten slightly thinner, the backs of my upper arms droop like a bag of molasses. Disgusting. I never did like my arms... betcha if I flap my arms I'll end up flying around the room like Dumbo. Ugh. I'm attempting to do more arm exercises but I already know that once I've reached my goal weight, I'll still end up needing surgery to fix them babies.

Well, this has been my latest update. In another couple of months, I'll be posting some after pics. Then you'll see what I mean...