I decided to start a blog or web diary about my wieght loss post op with the VSG because while i am home recovering from my surgery which was last Tuesday, I am experiencing a lot of emotions that I need to write down and process.  This journey has been 4 years in the making since I first started considering WLS.  In the early days, I was so uneducated.  I was ignorant and thought it was an easy way out.  I was one of those people ha! When I saw the results of a woman at my job who at the rny I was curious.  I found Obesity Help online and started researching different procedures and risks.  That was the begining...

So here I am sleeved and there is so many things that are going through my head.  I had a good expereince so far its 6 days out but I relize that I have a lot of major issues that need to be addressed.

1.  I am bored.

My sedintary lifestyle is extra noticable now that I cannot eat.

2. I was eating to remedy my boredom.

I cant eat now so I am really miserable

3. I dont have many freinds.

Me being a virtual recluse for the past 2 years has made my small circle of friends even smaller.

4. I dont have anyone to confide in.

I have one freind that can totally understand what im going through but he is a man and i feel its inappropriate to speak with him all the time since im married

5. I am unhappy with my marriage.  

I knew this already, but its enhanced now like 500 times

6. I need a life.

what does this mean? I hope I can be enlightended while i write this blog lol

anyway i will try to write everday and if you have comments please feel free to leave them.

so... today was hard.  I made dinner for the family. I felt like I needed to do something I am so bored.  I wish I could have tasted my teriaki baked chicken and bow tie pasta & veggie alfredo mix.  the kids said it was great.  sigh...

as the days pass, i relize that food was my life and without it, i feel empty, alone, bored, and a little depressed.  I know this stage will be gone soon and i will be on purees, but it depresses me that i was so attatched to food.  It satisfied me it pacified me I am an unhappy woman and food was a way to ignore what was wrong.

whats wrong?  not sure i have some theories though.  I need a more loving and romantic relationship.   my husband is not a very lovey dovey person.  i barly get hugs or kisses from him.  I dont feel like im in a loving relationship.  its been like this for years and it hurts so bad.  for a long time i felt like he acted this way due to my weight.  i have a feeling that my wieght loss will end our relationship.  i have so much resentment and anger inside.

anyway im gonna end it there so i want go to bed a blubbering mess lol

till next time

xoxo

roro