1 wk ago, I did something that will forever change the course of my life.

I think I was grossly unprepared for the emotional roller coaster I’d be riding though. I read about, but kinda shrugged it off. I’m emotional, this is true. But I’m strong…and this thang seems to be getting the better of me…

Yesterday, I struggled with the thought of no longer being in “control” of my weight (for the most part, at least for the next year or so)…I cried when I realized that I would no longer be the bodacious, busty, lusty big girl that I’ve been known to be after I purchased a bra A LOT smaller than the one I wore 3 wks ago (46DDD/F to a 44DD)…I cried as I tried to remind myself that my “larger than life” body didn’t MAKE who I was as a “larger than life woman”. I am who I am…but if who I am – and always have been – is a vivacious BIG GIRL, BBW, +Sized Diva, FULL-FIGURED Vixen… What happens when the weight falls off and I’m no longer considered…BIG?? *sigh* :biggrin0:

I’m sure folks who have never struggled w/their weight OR have lost weight on their own over a long period of time may not fully understand the BFD. But when you suddenly see yourself melting away – literally – especially in a significantly short period of time – it can be a little unnerving.

YES, I know this is what I signed up for. And honestly, it’s kinda crazy because I DO love what I’m starting to see in the mirror. But the fact that it’s happening right before my eyes so quickly is Freaking. Me. Out. Little things like washing my face and actually being able to feel my face structure, or putting on a pair of sweat pants that now have a saggy crotch…or doing a double take when I walk past the mirror…or my aunt calling me a “skinny beeyotchhh” in jest. I guess there is a 1st time for everything!

Skinnyway…

In the midst of my emotional outburst yesterday, I temporarily did something hella dumb. Now, I have 1 more wk on the liquid diet to go. So why did I think I could get away w/taking a *teeny-tiny* bite of chicken salad? *smdh* Super. HUGE. Epic. Fail. It got “stuck”. It was the most awful feeling in the world (now I know what Lap Band’ers go thru. BAH!). No harm, no foul…but trust I’m sticking to the game plan from here on out. Just 1 more week to go to meatloaf & mashed potatoes…says my dietitian ! (Well, only a table spoon or so, but I’ll take it)

Speaking of food – my dietitian/nutritionist recommended an AWESOME cook book for post weight loss surgery folks called “Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery”. Some high protein/lower fat recipes that will make your mouth water, are quick & easy, and full of flavor. (ie: stuffed cabbage, parmesan crusted turkey, and ham-n-cheese stuffed chicken breast *yummmmmoooooooohhhhhh*:drool5:) After all – there is life – and GOOD FOOD – after weight-loss. I am, and will always be a Foodie. I’m just learning to be a healthier one…I knew that for ME, I would be unsuccessful with ANY weight loss program/regimen/surgical tool that would not afford me the foods that I love. Portion Control & exercise. I. CAN. DO. THIS!:thumbup:

One last thing: I don’t think you fully realize how out of control your weight was until you start losing it. And you never realize that even if folks compliment your fatness/curves/etc, they still notice when you have seriously crept up the scale – until they mention it on your way down the scale *lol*

On that note – I’m calling it a night/morning. I’ll keep y’all posted – as usual.

*Change came quick – I brought it*