[8/12/10]

I realized today as I was getting dressed that I always seem to go the “extra mile” when it comes to my appearance on days I go to the doctor. Today I meet w/my bariatric surgeon & dietician on the path forward. Sept 21 will be here before I know it!

But back to appearance – it just dawned on me that I think I go all extra on days I know I’m going to the Fatty Doc, bc I feel like my “cute” will somehow overshadow my “fat” – which is often…or at least SOMEtimes the case in the real world. But at a bariatric Dr.’S office – they rarely see the “cute” – if at all, and mostly only see a person that they are glad had sense enough to do something major, about a major health crisis.

*sigh*

I’m good at being fat. Have been fat my entire life. And though after all is said & done a year from now, for all intents & purposes – I’ll still be a fat girl…but a lot healthier one (and 75-100 lighter). It didn’t hit me until today that this will most likely be my last “uncomfortable, morbidly obese, disgusted with myself and how big I’ve gotten” summer. This time next year – I won’t be so cramped in the metro seat as I blog by crackberry, ill be walking taller w/a lil more pep in my step, AND I will have ridden the rollercoasters that I haven’t been able to get on for the past 5 yrs – at least a thousand times.

While still struggling with some future vanity concerns and how ill feel in my new body – I’m still excited. & optimistic that this was the best decision for ME.

I know I’m cute (most of the time)…but for so long the magnitude of my good-lookigness has been overshadowed by my weight.

Get. Ready. Here she comes… *doin my Geyonce dance* uh oh uh oh uh oh…