[3/6/10]

Being the Fat Mommy at the playground (with the cherubic angel faced albeit a lil chubby) is NO. FUN.

It was a very rude awakening for me about how people look at fatties like myself. And even moreso at the kids of these fat parents – especially if they display one iota of being a little rounder than the other kids. My daughter is beautiful, outgoing, funny, loving, affectionate…but I caught the looks of other parents – at me, then her, then me again, then her again, then a shaking of the head or look of…pity.

I mean, really?? I was the ONLY parent out in the play area running around with my child – yet they looked at me like I shoud be ashamed…for being fat, and for having the nerve to be seen in public running around with my lil chubby toddler.

Now, in my defense – GiGi was in NYC being spoiled by Auntie and G’ma. She put on a few pounds BUT, that doesn’t mean that she is destined to be a fat girl like her mother. I’ve seen a lot of chubby toddlers with SKINNY parents, and aint nobody giving THEM the gasface. *gasfacing the ppl that gave ME the gasface*

I’m on this journey so that I can be healthy, and live longer and have the opportunity to enjoy playing with my growing child. Not only to mention, to teach her healthy eating & living habits. I’m overly concerned about her lot in life in terms of body type and (future) self image…which makes me super sensitive to things like what happened yesterday. I was litterally in tears when we left, and typing thru tear-filled eyes now.

I’m on my way to a better life…and my not-even 2 year old daughter hopefully won’t remember me as the Fat Mommy that everybody else sees…but as the woman who would do anything in the world for her.

IDK…reality checks are the hardest to cash. This will only make me more determined to stay the course. And bring my entire family with me on the way...