Emotional Wreck
So I've been doing a lot of crying lately. I'm having very conflicting feelings about taking out my band and converting to a sleeve.
At first I was thinking - well my band has been good to me, right?? I've lost 90lbs. Yes it can be hard at times. I've noticed in the past year that both my husband and I have been saying "we could have this for dinner but you can't eat it". I guess while living with the band you ignore, or take in stride the things you can't do as part of the price of weight loss. Yes, there are certain things I can't eat but its worth it right? Is there a better option, does it work, and is it worth it? Is eating with a sleeve really better? That ability to eat everything just less of it, kind of what I had been expecting from the band.
The more I read and search the more I say WOW, and now I'm starting to become excited about a sleeve and that is where the guilt comes in. I've raved about the band, recommended it. I feel rather odd now saying, whoops it didn't quite work out how I had planned - isn't that partly my fault, technically the band just sits there, didn't I fail. Who's to say I wont screw up the sleeve to?? My husband doesn't understand and the rest of my close support network was used up with the band - their reaction now is "Well don't you know how to eat right now" - silly people, I've always known how to eat right, that doesn't mean anything.
See now I'm rambling. I have so many emotions rolling around together right now and I'm having a hard time getting a handle on them. I'm happy that I'm getting the opportunity to revise because secretly this is what I've wanted for a while. I've always put on my brave band face but my band and I haven't been getting along for a while and I feel guilty about being excited and then I'm petrified that I'll just fail again anyway. The risks of a leak and general increased risk due to revision is also on my mind........
Then I see the revisions here that are so happy with their new lives - I was like that for the first 2 years after my band - will it last this time?
My horoscope for today is kinda fitting:
You may try to avoid an intense emotional interaction today by bringing the conversation back to the basic facts. It's not that you're disinterested in feelings; you just don't want to be overwhelmed by a topic that you cannot easily manage. Consider setting boundaries in a way that allows you to face your fears rather than run from them.
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