My List of Demands
Well, ok, this isn't really a list of demands. Rather, it's a list of complaints. I wanted to list all of my complaints and issues BEFORE surgery that I think that losing the weight might improve.
This will sound like whining -- so if that annoys you, skip this post. But it's not, really. My memory is poor (a complaint!), so I wanted to have a concrete list to look back on after the surgery and after I lose the weight, and see how far I've come.
- My sleep is almost ALWAYS poor. It's the rare exception when I sleep deeply, with dreams, through the night. Usually I'm struggling with my CPAP mask, or pressure. Or, I'm dealing with cramps and aches and pains from being so heavy -- just lying on my side for too long makes my shoulder ache from my own weight. As a result of this, I'm always tired and use too much caffeine.
- I always have some sort of aches and pains. Whether it's the shoulder I just mentioned, or my back, or (lately, worryingly) my knees, or my elbows. Or, I have a headache, or muscle cramps, or whatever. I know that some of this is just "getting older," but I also know that being obese is a big, big part of it (pun semi-intended).
- My sex-life is almost nonexistent. My partner is very patient with me, but it's still a source of some friction. I have almost no libido, and the few times that I do, I rarely have the energy to DO anything about it.
- My skin is very poor. I get constant rashes and dermatitis. This is very embarrassing, and it's one more thing that I use prescription medication to control. A portion of this is genetic, but it is modulated by bodily stress, and obesity (with its constant low-grade inflammation state) is a major bodily stress.
- I feel like I complain too much, but the reality is that I DO have a lot of physical complaints. I don't like being a "complainer" -- I'm hoping that losing weight and getting healthier will result in having less to complain about!
- I struggle a lot with anxiety. I chalk this up to exhaustion (see my first point) and my excessive caffeine use.
- I have very poor body self-esteem. I tend to avoid social situations because I am nervous about being so obese and having people mock or insult me for it. A portion of this is just stuff I'll have to work through, but not being obese will help me to not have to worry so much about it!
- I have low energy -- I rarely have the energy to go do "fun" stuff with my girlfriend, so weekends are just sitting around at home.
- It seems to me like I get sick a lot considering that I'm still relatively young and in relatively good health (aside from my obesity).
- There are all sorts of things I either can't do (skydiving) or don't feel safe doing (bicycling, kayaking) due to my weight and size.
- I have to wear giant, ill-fitting clothes to either hide or accomodate my flab.
- It's just a matter of time before I develop serious health problems, at this weight, and that knowledge at the back of my mind makes me anxious.
- My memory is very poor. I forget names and facts and figures very quickly. It's embarrassing and further limits me socially. Er... wait. Did I mention this already?
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