So, I'm a little over three weeks out from my surgery (5/6/2010), and a week out from my two week pre-op diet. I know I have fatty liver (diagnosed) and I'm going to be super rigorous following the pre-op diet since I don't want to risk injury to my liver during the surgery! It will be hard, however, since I love, love, love carbs -- the breadier and doughier the better.

I'm already trying to prep myself somewhat for the surgery by weaning off of carbonated beverages (it will be hard to say goodbye to my beloved Diet Cokes, but in return for being a more "normal" weight... okay!) and cutting back on carbs when possible.

My girlfriend had the lap sleeve in November of last year, and her tremendous success (going on 60 lbs lost with very little work on her part, and almost no cravings) has been my inspiration. Plus, it's very comforting to have someone around who "knows the ropes" and can reassure me that what I'm experiencing is normal. I'm a worrier, you see -- I comfort myself with facts and figures. I know that leak rates are less than 2%, I know that mortality in this surgery is around a tenth of a percent, and I know all of those things mean that, statistically speaking, the bad things almost certainly won't happen to me. I know that at 39 (which isn't a kid, but is still fairly young), with no diabetes, heart disease, or other comorbidities, and with a very uncomplicated surgery (no hiatal hernia, no gall bladder issues, "virgin" stomach -- not a revision), I'm very safe. But still, I worry.

I'm somewhat concerned about my mental state following surgery. I'm predisposed to depression and anxiety. Much of that has to do with my poor sleep (I've strongly tied my depression to lack of sleep) and the amount of caffeine I use to function despite being so tired. But still, I have to admit that I'm nervous about my mindstate after surgery, considering how common post-surgical depression is, and how I'm predisposed. I'm guessing that the first week post-op, where I'm scheduled to be back to work but "working from home" (so, no coworkers to distract me and lighten my mood, etc.) will be the hardest, as I'll have time to dwell and wonder "what have I done?" and mourn all the things I can't have anymore.

I'm not a religious person, so I don't have faith to strengthen me, but I have friends and families and the wonderful community here. I figure that I can survive a week or two of anything, and the payoff should be SO worth it.

So that, in a nutshell, is where I am today.